What Caught My Eye Today

Sarah Palin - Fred's Note: I have to give a shout out to my friend Bob who shared this gem with me. Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin offered her thoughts on President Obama’s State of the Union address to Fox News’ Greta Van Susteren last Wednesday night. While she cleverly zeroed in on the unfortunate abbreviation of the speech’s “Win The Future” theme, (You know, WTF.), Palin displayed ignorance of Sputnik 1’s significance, and offered a bizarre non-prescription for America involving something called "Spudnuts." Here are some excerpts, from Palin's unique perspective on history.

That was another one of those WTF moments, when he so often repeated this Sputnik moment that he would aspire Americans to celebrate. And he needs to remember that what happened back then with the former communist USSR and their victory in that race to space, yes, they won, but they also incurred so much debt at the time that it resulted in the inevitable collapse of the Soviet Union.

So I listened to that Sputnik moment talk over and over again, and I think, No, we don’t need one of those. You know what we need is a "spudnut" moment...Well, the spudnut shop in Richland, Washington — it’s a bakery, it’s a little coffee shop that’s so successful, 60-some years, generation to generation, a family-owned business not looking for government to bail them out and to make their decisions for them. It’s just hard-working, patriotic Americans in this shop. We need more spudnut moments in America.

Should you be interested in the actual facts pertaining to Sputnik and Spudnuts, read on. I for one am happy to take Palin at her word. The Soviet Union’s launch of a satellite is not the model of success to which the President’s speech urges us to aspire, but rather, the flood of research, innovation, and achievement that it spurred in a then-complacent American psyche. And while it is difficult to pinpoint a single reason for the dissolution of the USSR, the space program isn’t one of them. The Cold War arms race is the factor that most closely tracks here, and while the Sputnik 1 launch was a shot across the bow in that war, it was a drop in the arms race bucket. The Spudnuts Shop is, indeed, a successful small business. Spudnuts became something of a craze, eventually growing to over 600 locations in the US and elsewhere. However, the good times didn’t last forever, and the Richland Spudnuts Shop is one of only about 40 surviving Spudnuts locations. The Pelton brothers sold the company in 1975, at which time those who had paid for franchises could no longer get the original Spudnuts recipe. The parent company went out of business a few years later, but a handful of owner-operated shops continue to use the Spudnut name. The Spudnuts Shop’s biggest obstacle to success came, not from government interference, but from a faltering corporate parent. When the Pelton Brothers sold the company, franchise operators were left stranded without a recipe, and those who survived improvised their own. Yeah, that story isn't nearly as entertaining when you apply facts to it. Thank goodness, we have people in the world who don't let actual history get in the way of their interpretations of it.

China - Make way for the year of the rabbit, people. Twelve animals make up the traditional Chinese zodiac, with each year having its own peculiar and unique beliefs, some specific to certain provinces, such as being an auspicious time to give birth or open a new business. The Chinese Year of the Rabbit promises to bring political upheaval from restless youth and sex scandals for the amorous. The rabbit is believed to be one of the happiest signs, with people born in that year renowned for their kindness, reliability and loyalty, though with an air of mystery and propensity to cry. Let me see, here. Political upheaval, restless youth and sex scandals? Sounds like the status quo to me. Maybe in China they limit themselves to once every twelve years. I say, bring it on. I, for one, think it will be rather entertaining to watch China get its freak on.

Beef - As a matter of record, not one that I a particularly proud of, I love Taco Bell, so it is with great sadness--but little surprise--that I present this next item. A class-action lawsuit was filed late last week in federal court claiming Taco Bell falsely advertised its products as "beef." The suit alleges that the fast-food chain actually uses a meat mixture in its burritos and tacos that contains binders and extenders and does not meet requirements set by the U.S. Department of Agriculture to be labeled beef. The lawsuit claims that the product contains less than 35% beef, while Taco Bells counters that its seasoned beef contains 88% USDA-inspected beef and the rest is water, spices and a mixture of oats, starch and other ingredients that contribute to the "quality of its product." I have to pause here. There is something that just doesn't sound right about suggesting that a mixture of oats, starch, and God knows what else has something to do with "quality of product". That aside, I don't go to Taco Bell expecting 5 star quality. Dude, it is a 99 cent taco. 99 cents is not going to get you much Wagyu beef.

Humor - A good joke is all about the punchline. Without that, you pretty have a lame-ass made up anecdote. And in my opinion, the truly great jokes are those based on things we know to be true. Perhaps the ladies will back me up on this one. A guy runs into God and God says, "Ask me anything." So the guy asks, "Why did you make women to beautiful?" God replies, "So you would like them." Then the guy asks, "God, why did you make women smell so good?" And again, God replies, "So you would like them." The guy asks one final question, "God, why did you make women so stupid?" God looks at the guy and replies, "That's easy, So they would like you."