What Caught My Eye Today

Law Enforcement - Here's a question for you. What would be the appropriate punishment for causing a worldwide disruption in air travel in order to kiss your girlfriend one last time before she boards a plane. Apparently, $500. A lovesick student, who dodged airport security to kiss his girlfriend goodbye has apologised for causing more than 100 flight delays, 27 cancellations and stranding 16,000 passengers. The student ducked under a rope barrier at Newark Airport in New Jersey for a final kiss with his girlfriend before she left for California and inadvertently caused a security breach which closed the terminal for six hours. He admitted that he purposefully dodged security, spotting an official leave his post, and took the moment to catch-up with his girlfriend and walk her to her gate. The student then calmly left the airport unaware of the mayhem that ensued inside. The entire terminal was evacuated and closed while officials investigated the breach and passengers were only allowed back in after being re-screened by security. The student avoided jail and was instead ordered to pay a $500 fine, plus additional court costs, and perform 100 hours of community service. Setting aside the fact that this moron is too stupid to live, I might recommend some subtle changes in appearance. If I was one of those 16,000 stranded passengers, I'd be looking for more than a few hours of community service. I'd want blood, but then again, I've been told I have anger management issues.

Education - Math and English instruction in the United States moved a step closer to uniform — and more rigorous — standards. Let me guess. Students are actually going to have to demonstrate that they can read, write and add two numbers without the use of a calculator before they are given college diplomas. The effort is expected to lead to standardization of textbooks and testing and make learning easier for students who move from state to state. The effort is endorsed by 48 states, two territories and the District of Columbia and the new standards are intended to raise expectations of student achievement in some states and be in line with the educational expectations of top-performing states and countries. There are 50 states, aren't there? Texas and Alaska are the only states not participating in the national standards effort. Texas' commissioner of education said "Texas has chosen to preserve its sovereign authority to determine what is appropriate for Texas children to learn in its public schools." Maybe it's just me, but would anyone really notice (or care) if Texas seceded from the U.S.? As for Alaska--those kids are doing just fine, if you ask me. In a recent survey, 9 out of 10 children correctly identified Russia from their houses (for those unfamiliar with Sarah Palin, the humor here is probably not terribly evident).

Egypt - Egyptian clerics are cracking down on the sinful uses of modern technology. Egypt's highest cleric issued a fatwa banning the used of the Muslim payer call or any verse from the Quran as a cell phone ring tone. This is what they're worried about? I was totally thinking something else, along the lines of adult entertainment, if you know what I mean. Another cleric call for a ban on Facebook, saying the social-networking site was breaking up marriages by encouraging people to reconnect with former flames. The cleric was responding to reports of a study that found one in five Egyptian divorces is the result of Facebook. Seems a bit draconian to me, especially considering this... The study turned out to be an Internet hoax. So to sum up: Religious ring tones - bad; Facebook - bad; Internet Porn - still okay.

Potpourri - More fascinating nuggets of information of a statistical nature.

• Personal Income - The income of the 400 richest Americans rose an average of 31% in 2007, before the recession hit. Because of tax cuts on wages and capital gains, these individuals paid an effective tax rate of 16.6% on their average income of $344.8 million. I chalk up my bitterness to the fact that as one of the hundreds of millions of 401st richest Americans, I getting totally screwed on my taxes.
• France - The French now spend an average of 31 minutes eating lunch, down from an hour and 38 minutes in 1975. I'm guessing, the spend that other hour bitching about the fact that their lunch time has been cut back so much.
• Olympics - Olympic organizers in Vancouver stocked its two Olympic Villages with 100,000 condoms--14 condoms for each of the 7,000 athletes, coaches, trainers and officials housed there. At the Sydney Games in 2000, officials handed out 70,000 condoms and had to order 20,000 more. I was under the impression that Disneyland was the happiest place on Earth. Clearly, I was way mistaken on that one.