Monday, December 21, 2009

What Caught My Eye Today

Top Stories of 2009 - According to the fine folks at the Associated Press.

  1. The Economy - Let me break it down for you: 2008 - sucked, 2009 - still sucked, and 2010 - more suckage expected.
  2. Obama Inauguration - I'm more impressed that the American public was able to overlook the fact that this dude's middle name is "Hussein" than the fact that he's the first black president.
  3. Healthcare - Congress may actually pull of healthcare reform before year's end. So why doesn't that make me feel any better?
  4. Auto Industry - Some PR firm is going to have to come up with a new nickname. I don't think "The Big Three" is going to cut it anymore.
  5. Swine Flu - Strange, I though H1N1 was much more appealing than "pig flu."
  6. Afghanistan - Sort of a bad news / good news story. Bad news: we're still there. Good news: now we have a plan. Okay, so maybe its a bad news / wishful thinking story.
  7. Michael Jackson - Thus far the King of Pop's legacy seems to be mostly positive, which is somewhat surprising given all the weirdness that surrounding him while he was alive.
  8. Fort Hood Rampage - It's frightening to contemplate the perpetrator of this tragedy was supposed to be helping soldiers with mental health issues. Our troops deserve so much better.
  9. Edward Kennedy dies - After all tragedy the Kennedy family has endured, somehow it is a bit comforting that this Kennedy died of natural causes.
  10. Miracle on the Hudson - Feel good story of the year, without a doubt. Rumor has it that "Sully" might crack the top 10 in baby names next year.
Sweden - A popular Swedish fast food chain is encouraging its customer to reduce their carbon footprints by eating less beef. Next to each menu item, Max Burger (you just can't make this stuff up) now lists the amount, in kilograms, of greenhouse gases emitted to produce it. The all-beef burgers are the worst offenders, while the falafel burgers and half-beef/half-soy burgers are deemed more earth-friendly. "We hope to change the whole of the fast food industry," said a company spokesperson. Yeah, good luck with that, sparky. Anyone want odds on whether or not this chain will still be solvent this time next year?

Canada -
I'll bet you a nickel you cannot make it through this story without laughing. Canadian scientists researching the effects of pornography on young men have had to scrap their plans, as they could not find any young men who had not watched pornography. Big surprise there. And you're laughing too, aren't ya? Researchers had hoped to compare a group of admitted porn users with a "control group" of men in their 20s who had never viewed pornography, but couldn't find any. Instead they found young, single men spent about two hours every week viewing porn on the Internet. Okay, now I'm surprised. Two hours a week? Right. Maybe if they had said two hours a day, but two hours a week?

Potpourri -
More items for the "Are you serious?" file.
  • A California man is suing the makers of the "World of Warcraft" online video game for $1 million, saying the game has left him "sad, lonely, and alienated."
    I'm thinking this guys personality may have something to do with that as well.
  • A California man is proposing a ballot initiative to ban heterosexual divorce saying "Since California has decided to protect traditional marriage, it would be hypocritical of us not to sacrifice some of our own rights to protect traditional marriage even more."
    Unusual logic, but you have to admit, he does sort of make a valid argument.
  • A Florida woman was arrested on charges of falsely reporting a bomb at an airport. Police say she called in the threat in order to delay a flight to Honduras, because her boss was running late.
    Wow, that's serious dedication. She must be running for Secretary of the Year honors.
  • A Swedish man has abandoned efforts to produce milk from his own breasts. He was convinced that with daily 3-hour breast-pumping sessions, he could stimulate himself to lactate, thus liberating the mother of his child from bearing the brunt of childcare responsibilities. All he got was sore breasts.
    Words elude me on this one. I'm utterly speechless.

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