What Caught My Eye Today

Influenza - Swine flu is now formally a pandemic, a declaration by U.N. health officials that will speed vaccine production and spur government spending to combat the first global flu epidemic in 41 years. The announcement by the World Health Organization doesn't mean the virus is any more lethal — only that its spread is considered unstoppable. Why doesn't that make me feel any better about this? Since it was first detected in late April in Mexico and the United States, swine flu has reached 74 countries, infecting nearly 29,000 people. So far, swine flu has caused 144 deaths, compared with ordinary flu that kills up to 500,000 people a year. There, was that so difficult? Now I feel better. I'll take my chances with 144 over 500,000 any day of the week.

CIA - The CIA believes Osama bin Laden is still in Pakistan, and the spy agency is hoping to close in on him as that country's military cracks down on the northwestern tribal area where he is thought to be hiding. I don't want to sound unpatriotic or anything like that--I want the dude caught as much as anyone does--but seriously, if the CIA (or anyone for that matter) had a clue as to where this guy was shacked up, we'd be reading about how bin Laden was captured rather than where he might be hiding.

And in other CIA news... The CIA will spend nearly $250 million in the next five years to double the number of intelligence officers that are proficient in a foreign language. Less than a third of CIA analysts and overseas spies are proficient in a foreign language. What a novel idea. Maybe our chances of catching the bad guys would go up a bit if we understood what they were saying.

Palau - Palau's president said that his tiny Pacific nation's tradition of hospitality prompted the decision to take in 13 Chinese Muslims in limbo at Guantanamo Bay, but China called them "terrorist suspects" and demanded they be sent home. It's the first time since 2006 that the U.S. has successfully resettled any of Guantanamo's Uighurs. The U.S. government had determined they weren't enemy combatants and should be released. But China objected saying the men are members of extremist groups working to separate the far western region of Xinjiang from China. With all due respect to China, that part of the world isn't exactly what I would call prime real estate. The fruit and sheep which account for most of Xinjiang's exports cannot be that valuable to China. I'm guessing the sheer land mass, one sixth of China's total territory is much more compelling a reason to keep the region under tight wraps. But back to Palau... Palau has retained close ties with the United States since independence in 1994 and is entitled to U.S. protection under an accord. Two U.S. officials said that the U.S. was prepared to give Palau up to $200 million in development, budget support and other assistance in return for accepting the Uighurs and as part of a mutual defense and cooperation treaty that is due to be renegotiated this year. And as if that wasn't enough to piss of the Chinese... Palau, a former U.S. trust territory in the Pacific, is one of a handful of countries that does not recognize China, instead recognizing Taiwan.

Wealth - You may just want to skip this next item. It isn't pretty. The brute force of the recession earlier this year turned back the clock on Americans' personal wealth to 2004 and wiped out a staggering $1.3 trillion as home values shrank and investments withered. And if you think the first quarter of 2009 was bad... The hit to Americans' net worth was worse late last year. In the October-December period, it fell a record 8.6%, the largest drop on record dating to 1951. Wow, that just plain sucks.

Naturally, we cannot end on such a down note--I suppose we could, but how depressing would that be?--and so we shall not.

Sex - A spokesman for the daughter of Sonny and Cher says Chastity Bono "has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity" and began the sex-change process earlier this year. Chastity's father, Sonny, was said to be "proud of his decision" and hopes "that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue." See. I told you so. Honestly, considering Chastity's lineage, an announcement like this doesn't seem so far-fetched. You go, girl...I mean guy...I mean...Oh, good grief. Good for you...Chase, is it?