What Caught My Eye Today

North Korea - North Korea has rejected shipments of U.S. food aid, despite its chronic food shortage. Surely, the North Korean has a rational explanation for turning away desperately needed aid. Pyongyang gave no reason for refusing the aid, though it has been increasingly bellicose since the U.S. warned that its planned rocket test would bring U.S. sanctions. Which basically means, the North Korean government is throwing a temper tantrum. North Korea routinely confiscates farmers' produce and gives it to the military, leaving markets empty and the people starving. I don't get these guys. I appreciate the need for maintaining one's sovereignty in the face of a perceived threat (namely, the United States), but to starve your own people and turn away aid (mostly from the United States), staggers the imagination.

Water - The planet faces a crippling shortage of fresh water according to U.N. officials at the World Water Forum. That sounds bad. The number of people living under "severe water stress" will reach 3.9 billion--half the world's population--by 2030. That sounds really bad. Almost 80% of diseases in developing countries are associated with a lack of clean water, and at least 5,000 children die every day of diarrhea alone. That's definitely bad. But wait there's more. As you might imagine, this international gathering was not without its naysayers. Protesters threw rocks at police, saying the forum promoted the privatization of water resources. Why throw rocks at the police? Seems to me the targets are the forum attendees. If you are going to be arrested (and one would assume these protesters were), you might as well go down swinging at the folks that pissing you off in the first place.

Armageddon - From time to time, a story gets published about the possible demise of the world or at least a significant portion of it. This is one of those stories. This time the subject is volcanoes. If you recall, back in February, President Barack Obama addressed a joint session of Congress. Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal gave the Republican response. In his remarks, Jindal chided the federal government for wasting $140 million monitoring volcanoes. Geologists have recorded an unusually high number of tremors in Yellowstone National Park--813 in 11 days. Much of the park sits on top of a giant caldera which is a collapsed volcano. Yellowstone's last major eruption was about 640,000 years ago. I guess we'll have to take that on faith seeing has the human race had not evolved yet. Scientists say the eruption blew a hole in the Earth's crust as big as Connecticut. That doesn't seem so bad; it's not like we're talking about Texas or Alaska. Such an event today could be a horror of unimaginable proportions. "Unimaginable"? I doubt that. I'm sure we can come up with some horrors. There would be hundreds of thousands of immediate casualties, and so much ash and dust would be thrown into the atmosphere that it would block out most of the sun, plunging the Earth into a continuous winter lasting for years. Crops would die and global starvation might follow. Some experts suggest that such an eruption could be a "species-ending event"--that species being humans. See, it wasn't that hard to imagine all those things. As for the $140 million, turns out Jindal had his facts wrong. The $140 million is the amount earmarked for all projects conducted by the U.S. Geological Survey. Of that, volcano monitoring accounts for about $15 million. Given that the U.S. currently has 169 active volcanoes, that doesn't seem like too much money to be spending to give us some warnings as to whether or not the end of the world is upon us.

Garbage - Finally some good news about the failing economy. Due to the declining economy, landfills are getting up to 30% less trash. People are buying fewer new consumer products, so there is less packaging to dispose of. Manufacturers are creating less waste, and a stagnant housing market means less construction debris. So why don't I feel any better?

March Madness - Midway through the second day of Round 1 action, I'm 24 out of 28. I finished Thursday's action 14 out of 16. Not bad, really. Of course, the missus got 15 out of 16, so there go my bragging rights. More importantly, my Final Four picks (Louisville, Memphis, Pittsburgh and North Carolina) all advanced.

Humor - Finally, something to make you laugh (or perhaps cry), courtesy of the missus. First, the laughter.

New Stock Market Terms

• CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
• CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
• BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
• BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
• VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
• P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
• BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
• STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
• STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
• STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
• MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
• CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
• INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
• PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.

Now the tears...

• If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
• If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
• If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
• If you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.