What Caught My Eye Today

Fred's Note: Yeah, yeah. I know it's been almost a week since my last post. What can I say...gotta pay the bill, my friends.

Senate - And then there were 99. Senate Democrats accepted Roland Burris as President-elect Barack Obama's Senate successor and said they expect to swear in the new Illinois senator this week. The development prevented the impasse that has plagued Democrats from dragging on into Obama's inauguration festivities that begin this weekend. Lord knows we cannot have a little thing like this putting a damper on what's sure to be one hell of a block party next week. The Illinois Supreme Court ruled last week that under state law, Burris' appointment paperwork was valid and that it was up to the Senate to decide whether to seat him. But Reid and other Democrats had contended that it violated Senate rules unless the appointment was signed by both the governor and the Illinois secretary of state. Who, oh, by the way, still hasn't signed off on Burris' appointment.

So that's 99. What's the deal with numero 100? Democrat Al Franken was quickly turned down Monday when he asked Minnesota's governor and secretary of state to issue an election certificate that would let him take office in the Senate. That's a shame. Franken led Republican Norm Coleman by 225 votes after a statewide recount that was completed January 5. Coleman is suing over the result, claiming there were irregularities on Election Day and during the recount. Minnesota law prevents officials from issuing an election certificate until legal matters are resolved. Don't you just hate when the law gets in the way of claiming a Senate seat that you may or may not have actually won in an election that basically ended in a statistical dead heat.

Gaza - Israeli troops advanced into Gaza suburbs for the first time today. Hamas showed no signs of wavering, however, with its leader saying the militants were "closer to victory." One wonders exactly how Hamas defines victory. The fighting began Dec. 27 and has killed more than 900 Palestinians, about half of them civilians, according to Palestinian medical officials. Thirteen Israelis, including 10 soldiers, have been killed. Israel has sent reserve units into Gaza to help thousands of ground forces already in the territory, and fighting has persisted despite a U.N. Security Council resolution calling for a cease-fire. What's this. A nation ignoring a directive--probably, nonbinding--from the United Nations? Inconceivably. Egypt has assumed a role as mediator between Israel and Hamas. Didn't the role of mediator used to be played by Uncle Sam? As many 88% of Gaza's residents now require food aid. As bad as that sounds, believe it or not, this isn't that much of an increase. Turns out that 80% of Gazans were received aid before the hostilities began 3 weeks ago.

Russia - I'll preface this story by saying I'm pretty sure this guy is serious about this prediction. The United States, which is at the epicenter of the global financial tsunami, will suffer the most damage in 2009. In a worst-case scenario that has a roughly 50% chance of coming true, the dollar and the entire U.S. economy will crash by November. Which means, there's at least a 50% chance that this dude is blowing smoke. As a result, the country's dire political and economic problems could lead to fierce competition between the states in which wealthier states will withhold funds from the federal government and threaten secession and civil war. I don't know about you, but I keep telling my Congressman that I wouldn't mind seeing New Jersey secede. This in turn could lead to disintegration of the country into six parts by the summer of 2010 as the leading foreign powers take their pieces of the fallen giant. Here's my favorite part. Under this scenario, California and six western states would fall under Chinese influence An extremely remote possibility, but plausible; Alaska would go to Russia I can see it. After all, most Alaskans can see Russia "from their backyards" anyway; Hawaii would go to Japan or China Well, they own half the islands already, so that's not much of a stretch; 15 states in the Midwest and Great Plains would be under Canadian influence Okay, now I'm getting just a tad suspicious; Texas and eight other southern states would be under Mexican influence Well now, that would solve some of our immigration issues, wouldn't it; and the eastern seaboard states might join the European Union. Oh sure, why not. So who is this wizard of prognostication? Why none other than Igor Panarin, former analyst with the KGB, is dean of the international relations department at the Russian Foreign Ministry's Diplomatic Academy. Call me a skeptic, but I'll believe this nut job when I see the folks in North Dakota memorizing the words to the Canadian national anthem.

Japan - Japanese are taking their noses global with a Web site that describes different odors around the world and pinpoints where they can be found on a map. Umm. Let me see here. Oh yeah, here's the question I was searching for...why? Launched in December, the "Nioi-bu," or Smell Club, has registered more than 160 scents around the world, ranging from "steam coming out of a rice cooker" to "used socks in the summer," and pinpointed their locations on a Google map. Nearly 200 members, called "smellists," have joined the Japanese-language only site. I guess unemployment must be on the rise there too. One can only hope that an increase in free time is the reason that these 200 "smellists" have the time to engage in this sort of activity. Not all reports are of stenches, with others including mouth-watering dishes, fresh laundry, greenery and scented soap. From Paris, there is a "scent of verbena soap near a monastery," and from Thailand's ancient capital Ayuthaya, a mix of incense, grass, dirt and wild dogs. I hate to get hung up on this point, but again I have to ask...why?

Zimbabwe - Nothing special to report. Things still suck. Need proof. Remember when we reported that Zimbabwe's central bank rolled out a $10 billion note? Peanuts. Zimbabwe's central bank released a new $50 billion note. The new note was worth 1.25 U.S. dollars at Monday's black market exchange rate. A week ago, $50 billion was worth $2.20. Two weeks ago it was worth 3.30 U.S. dollars. The Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe unveiled new $20 billion and $50 billion notes saying the notes were being introduced "for your convenience." How about a raise for the guy in the PR department who came up with that line? In December, the bank printed new $10 billion notes. Zimbabweans are reeling from the inflation. The largest note ever in the country was $100 billion in August, when the before the bank struck 10 zeros from the currency. This is the sort of story that tugs at the emotions--you don't know whether to laugh or cry at the plight of these poor bastards.