What Caught My Eye Today - The 'Missus' Edition

Fred's Note: It was bound to happen at some point. Someone got tired of me deciding which stories to report on. The fact that it was the missus who got fed up with my selections first...well, to tell you the truth, I somewhat surprised that she lasted this long. So without further adieu, I give you my commentary on what caught someone else's eye.

Golf - Non-English speakers are being turned away from membership at a private country club in Vancouver, British Columbia. The club doesn't ban members from speaking other languages, but insists its members be able to communicate in English so they can understand the club's rules and regulations. The policy was implemented about eight years ago when immigrants from Korea, Japan, and China started applying for membership. In a related story, the LPGA recently announced new English-language proficiency requirements for women on the tour, which is dominated by Korean women. I'll get to the LPGA in a minute. First, things first. Dude, its a private country club. They should be able to make up whatever rules they feel like. If someone doesn't like the rules, don't pay the flipping membership fees. No one is twisting their arms. As for the LPGA, well that's a bit different. Other than some awkward social moments at the post-tournament press conferences, is it really that big of a deal if some of the players cannot speak English very well. I have a hard time seeing all this bad PR being in the best interest of a tour that has historically had a hard time getting sponsorships. Maybe you all should rethink this one.

Sex Addiction - I'm already laughing, and I haven't even started yet. X-Files star David Duchovny has submitted himself to a California rehabilitation facility for sex addiction treatment. Poor bastard. The actor made the announcement through a brief statement released by his lawyer saying, "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family." One of Duchovny's most recent roles has been starring as a drunken, bitter, sex-obsessed novelist struggling with writer's block and raising his pre-teen daughter on the critically praised Showtime series "Californication." That role must be a real stretch for Duchovny. Not to make too much light of what is obviously a serious medical condition, but what happens when he's released from treatment. Surely his wife, actress Tea Leoni, will still want a little something-something from time to time. If he indulges her, isn't that sort of like falling of the wagon?

Flies - You know, the bugs. A U.S. researcher discovered, long before a hand slaps down to deliver the killing blow, the fly has already planned an escape route. Ah yes, another stunning breakthrough for the scientific community. It takes a fruit fly just 200 milliseconds — or 0.2 seconds — after it senses a looming threat to adjust its pre-flight stance in the direction it will flee. The researcher also found that the escape response was not reflexively tied to flight initiation, as the flies performed the stance adjustments even in instances when they decided flight wasn't necessary. For people wishing to swat a fly, he recommends aiming for a spot where the fly will be, rather than where it is. Or, you could go out and drop 4 or 5 dollars on a can of bug spray. I don't want to get in the way of science; all I'm saying is a can of Raid can pretty much get rid of those annoying flies rather easily.

Track and Field - You have to applaud this lady's perspective on the thrill of competition. Simply outliving the competition is part of a 95-year-old javelin thrower's strategy to get onto the podium in the Canada 55+ Games. You go, girl. Florence Storch had six chances to toss her way onto the podium for the over-85 javelin division at the games New Brunswick, Canada. "Now I've outlived them all, I have no competition," Storch said. "In fact, so many of my friends have died, I'm in a class by myself." Hey, in my book a win is a win. Storch's 64-year-old son, Ed, is also competing in the track and field events at the games and has won gold in the 100- and 200-metre races. The Canada 55+ Games are held every second year and allow seniors to compete in 19 events that include golf, bowling, bridge, track and field, swimming, hockey, curling, lawn bowling, badminton, slo-pitch softball and horseshoes. Okay, here's my beef. I sat through 3600 hours of Olympic coverage, and not one channel of 3000 on my cable system can see fit to provide one lousy hour of what is surely athletic drama of epic proportions. What gives?

So that's it folks. I hope I did justice to the stories that the missus gave me.