What Caught My Eye Today

Fred's Note: I was all set to break precedent and lead off with a soccer story, but instead I'll being breaking precedent by leading of with not one, but two (actually three) celebrity deaths.

Entertainment - Michael Jackson, the sensationally gifted child star who rose to become the "King of Pop" and the biggest celebrity in the world only to fall from his throne in a freakish series of scandals, died today. He was 50. Jackson died at UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles. The circumstances of Jackson's death were not immediately clear. Jackson was not breathing when Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics responded to a call at his Los Angeles home about 12:30pm. Jackson's death brought a tragic end to a long, bizarre, sometimes farcical decline from his peak in the 1980s, when he was popular music's premier all-around performer, a uniter of black and white music who shattered the race barrier on MTV, dominated the charts and dazzled even more on stage. And yet, for all the tabloid fodder that he offered, all you were likely to see in the media today were tributes. Why is it that we always seem to wait until someone is gone before we say something nice about them?

So that is your 80s icon. For children of the 70s, arguably the most famous poster babe that decade has also passed away. Farrah Fawcett, 62, died this morning at St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica, nearly three years after being diagnosed with anal cancer. A winsome smile, tousled hair and unfettered sensuality were Farrah Fawcett's trademarks as a sex symbol and 1970s TV star in "Charlie's Angels." But as her life drew to a close, she captivated the public in a far different way: as a cancer patient who fought for, then surrendered, her treasured privacy to document her struggle with the disease and inspire others. Here's a testament to just how much 'star quality' Fawcett had--she starred in only one season of "Charlie's Angels"; how many other "Angels" can you name? I admit with some degree of embarrassment--actually, quite a bit--that I can name at least three others.

And finally, for my parents' generation, one of the greatest talkshow sidekicks of all time also died this week.Ed McMahon, the loyal "Tonight Show" sidekick who bolstered boss Johnny Carson with guffaws and a resounding "H-e-e-e-e-e-ere’s Johnny!" for 30 years, died Tuesday. He was 86.

Talk about a bad week for Hollywood. Good grief.

Soccer - Had you read my posting on Monday, you will fully appreciate just how knowledgeable I am about this sport. The United States’ 2-0 victory over European champions Spain in the Confederations Cup semi-finals on Wednesday earned a place on the list of great international upsets. Clearly, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Of course, in my defense, neither does the rest of the soccer universe--all of whom did not give the U.S. the remotest chance of beating Spain. Next up for the U.S. will be Brazil in the final this weekend. Given my track record on predicting the outcomes of international soccer matches, I'll go with the U.S. by a touchdown.

I'm sure there was some actual news today. Let's see what we've got...

Healthcare - Senators working to give President Barack Obama a comprehensive health care overhaul said they had figured out how to pare back the complex legislation to keep costs from crashing through a $1 trillion, 10-year ceiling. "We have options that would enable us to write a $1 trillion bill, fully paid for," according to Senate Finance Committee Chairman, Max Baucus. Is this suppose to be good news? Sure we can spend $1 trillion on healthcare, or anything else for that matter. I'm more interested in the question of whether or not we should spend $1 trillion. Baucus declined to detail how the costs were being cut. Big deal. I say we take him at his word. I mean, we're only talk, what...A TRILLION DOLLARS!!! Dude, I think we're entitled to a few details how how exactly a TRILLION DOLLAR bill is "fully paid for."

Iran - Iranian authorities briefly arrested dozens of university professors who met with embattled opposition leader Mir Hossein Mousavi, but he vowed to persevere with his election challenge despite the apparent attempt to isolate him from his supporters. The declared winner of the June 12 balloting, hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, accused President Barack Obama of meddling in Iran's affairs. Well, of course Obama meddled. How else can you explain international outrage of the "divine assessment" of the people which gave Ahmadinejad almost 63% of the popular vote? Mousavi has alleged massive fraud in the balloting. Sounds like sour grapes to me. Ahmadinejad's standing at home appears to have suffered since the election. Several Tehran newspapers reported that 185 out of 290 members of parliament, including Speaker Ali Larijani, stayed away from a victory celebration for Ahmadinejad. Ahmadinejad's patron, supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has said the election result would not be reversed. The fallout may leave Khamenei and the ruling theocracy battered by once-unthinkable defiance of their leadership. And the Iranian people don't seem to bright either. Your Supreme Leader has spoken. I fail to see why the general population, and apparently most of Parliament, should find it necessary to question his edict. It's as if they think their voices should be heard or...dare I say, matter.

Swine Flu - Swine flu has infected as many as 1 million Americans, U.S. health officials said, adding that 6% or more of some urban populations are infected. The estimate voiced by a government flu scientist was no surprise to the experts who have been closely watching the virus. That's nice. I feel so much better that this pandemic comes as no surprise to the experts. The United States has roughly half the world's swine flu cases, with nearly 28,000 reported to the CDC so far. The U.S. count includes 3,065 hospitalizations and 127 deaths. Regular seasonal flu sickens anywhere from 15 million to 60 million Americans each year. Is it just me or does this 1 million milestone sound like just the beginning of an oncoming influenza trainwreck?

What Caught My Eye Today

North Korea - A North Korean-flagged ship under close watch in Asian waters is believed to be heading toward Myanmar carrying small arms cargo banned under a new U.N. resolution, a South Korean intelligence official said. I wouldn't put it past North Korea to test these sanction, but still, it would have appeared slightly less suspicious if some other intelligence agency had made this announcement. After all, South Korea (understandably) is a bit jittery these days. The U.S. military began tracking the ship after it left a North Korean port last week on suspicion it was carrying illicit weapons. Analysts say a high seas interception — something North Korea has said it would consider an act of war — is unlikely. Why bother? If the U.S. blocks the ship from unloading its payload, the same objective is achieved. Myanmar's military government, which faces an arms embargo from the U.S. and the European Union, reportedly has bought weapons from North Korea in the past. Again, not much of a surprise. You have to figure that despotic military regimes with little regard for their people or the international community, would gravitate toward each other...you know, for moral support and that sort of thing.

Tobacco - Lamenting his first teenage cigarette, President Barack Obama ruefully admitted that he's spent his adult life fighting the habit. Then he signed the nation's toughest anti-smoking law, aiming to keep thousands of other teens from getting hooked. Obama praised the historic legislation, which gives the Food and Drug Administration unprecedented authority to regulate what goes into tobacco products, to make public the ingredients and to prohibit marketing campaigns geared toward children. Full disclosure: I'm a non-smoker and in favor of anything that makes the air cleaner. That being said, the President could be treading on thin ice here. I'm not saying that I oppose measures to prevent teens and children from picking up bad habits, but where do you draw the line? I'd really rather not see responsibility for making lifestyle decisions completely left to the federal government. When I was growing up, those choices were left to a different set of decision makers--you might be familiar with them. They were called "parents".

Dark Matter - Time to embrace your inner science-geek. Far below the Black Hills of South Dakota, crews are building the world's deepest underground science lab at a depth equivalent to more than six Empire State buildings — a place uniquely suited to scientists' quest for mysterious particles known as dark matter. The site is ideal for experiments because its location is largely shielded from cosmic rays that could interfere with efforts to prove the existence of dark matter, which is thought to make up nearly a quarter of the mass of the universe. So why bother with all this? I'll tell you. Scientists believe most of the dark matter in the universe contains no atoms and does not interact with ordinary matter through electromagnetic forces. They are trying to discover exactly what it is, how much exists and what effect it may have on the future of the universe. Physicists have said that without dark matter, galaxies might never have formed. By learning more about dark matter, they hope to understand better whether the universe is expanding or contracting. Scientists hope to start construction on the two deepest labs by 2012 and open them by 2016. The projects are expected to cost $550 million. Maybe, I'm missing the bigger picture here, but isn't the fact that the universe does exist and, by some cosmic miracle, we happened to find a suitable environment--the Earth--to live, enough? Let's say that we prove dark matter exists, and let's say that in doing so, we discover that the universe is going to implode upon itself in a couple of billion years or so. Is that really going to change anything? Heck, the human race will be luck to survive 10,000 more years, let alone a few billion. I'm just saying.

Golf - The U.S. Open finally concluded on Monday after players slogged through 5 days of nearly non-stop rain. Tiger Woods managed to scrape his way to a sixth place finish (even-par). On the off chance that you were wondering who won, some dude named Lucas Glover earned what will likely be his only major championship with a 7 under par score, two shots better than the rest of the field. Even in loss, Woods managed to make the headlines. Apparently, this is the first time in five years all the major trophies belong to someone other than Tiger Woods. Frightening how much game this guy has.

Soccer - Humor me on this one. The things that had to go right for the United States in this tournament are almost beyond belief. Outplayed by Italy and Brazil, the U.S. soccer team once again was on the verge of first-round elimination from a big international tournament. To reach the semifinals of the Confederations Cup, the Americans needed to beat Egypt by at least three goals while the world champion Italians lost to Brazil by at least three. At the risk of stating the obvious, both happened. Otherwise, why would I have reported this story in the first place. Now it’s on to a semifinal matchup with European champion Spain, unbeaten in 35 matches since a November 2006 exhibition loss to Romania. The Spaniards are the world’s top-ranked team. Suffice it to say, if the U.S. manages to pull off an upset against Spain, the soccer world may spontaneous combust. Seriously.

What Caught My Eye Today

Indonesia - Indonesia has opened thousands of "honesty cafes" in schools and government buildings, in which patrons use the honor system to leave money for snacks and drinks. The attorney general's office, which sponsors the cafes, hope they will teach civil servants and ordinary citizens to think about the importance of being honest. Only about 5% of the cafes said customers were walking off without paying, and schools that operated the cafes have reported a decrease in cheating on tests. According to corruption watchdog, Transparency International, Indonesia is one of the world's most corrupt nations. While I applaud the effort--and more so the early success--of this program, I have to admit that I'm skeptical that something like this would work in America. Don't get me wrong playing on a guilt conscience is a powerful ploy, but, speaking strictly for myself, I'm not one to let my conscience get in the way of a free meal.

National Anthem - Some dude at the Washington Post is attempting to make a case for replacing "The Star Spangled Banner" as the U.S. national anthem. "The Star Spangled Banner" has to go. As a national anthem, Francis Scott Key's "notoriously unsingable" song is highly flawed. The melody, stolen from an old English drinking song (Really? I did not know that.), spans nearly two octaves, when most people are good for only one. The first eight lines constitute one enormous sentence with no good place to catch your breath. In the entire first verse, the only vaguely American ideal is "land of the free"; the rest is just bombs and war and bloodshed. Fortunately, there are plenty of good alternatives--"My Country 'Tis of Thee," "Battle Hymn of the Republic," "God Bless America," and "This Land is Your Land" just to name a few. Okay, maybe I'm missing the point, but it seems to me that the song isn't the problem--the quality of the singer is. Seriously, you don't see operas being rewritten just so Uncle Bob can sing along. Why would you want to change an iconic piece like "The Star Spangled Banner". There is a time and a place for change; this isn't one of them.

Clouds - This one is for all my meteorological "get your freak on" readers. The last time a new category of cloud was added to the official meteorological atlas was in 1951. Now the founder of the Cloud Appreciation Society (I kid you not. This is a legitimate organization--click here), is lobbying to add a new variety: asperatus, or the "Jacques Cousteau cloud," because it resembles a rolling ocean. This particular formation does not appear to be one of the 80 previously classified. A spokesperson for Britain's Royal Meteorological Society said that the discovery is "astonishing. It's not every day that you get a new cloud." You just have to love the enthusiasm exhibited by weather geeks. In fairness, you cannot blame them. For some strange reason, cloud formations don't seem to garnish the headlines that you might expect.

Potpourri - For those of you looking for a break from news on the Iranian presidential election and the global recession, I offer you these next couple of items, all of which, tragically, are deemed newsworthy:

• A survey on road rage declared New Yorkers to be the angriest, most aggressive drivers in the U.S.
  In a related story, Los Angeles drivers are set to stage a protest claiming that they, not New Yorkers are the biggest jerks on the road.
• Students in a California elementary school found out they must attend 34 days of summer school because their school day was 5 minutes too short on 34 days. The school district must make up the entire days or lose funding.
  Has anyone checked to see how much it is going to cost to open the school for an unplanned 34 days?
• A California lawyer has won a $510,000 discrimination settlement from the Oakland Athletics because the team gave free floppy sun hats to female fans to promote breast cancer awareness.
  Yeah, that money will be put to a much better use on this than finding a cure for breast cancer. Lame litigation like this is what gives lawyers such a bad reputation.

What Caught My Eye Today

Iran - Good news, everyone. The controversy over who won Iran's presidential election last week looks like it is winding down. Do these guys have their act together or what. Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, sought to end the deepening crisis over disputed elections with one decisive speech — declaring the vote will almost certainly stand and sternly warning opposition leaders to end street protests or be held responsible for any "bloodshed and chaos" to come. That's right, scare the electorate into submission. Good plan. I there is a lesson to be learned here, my friends. Embrace democracy at your peril. Everything is everything when the results go your way, but the problem with allow the people determine those results is that they have an annoying tendency of not always voting the way you want them to. Thank goodness, Iran doesn't have this problem thanks to a supreme leader who can settle such matters with a single edict. Lucky bastards.

Hunger - Here's a milestone, no one is likely to celebrate. The global financial meltdown has pushed the ranks of the world's hungry to a record 1 billion, a grim milestone that poses a threat to peace and security, U.N. food officials said. Because of war, drought, political instability, high food prices and poverty, hunger now affects one in six people, by the United Nations' estimate. The number of hungry people is estimated to have reached 1.02 billion — up 11% from last year's 915 million. The world's most populous region, Asia and the Pacific, has the largest number of hungry people — 642 million, up 10.5% from last year. Sub-Saharan Africa registers 265 million undernourished, an 11.8% increase. Even in the developed world, undernourishment is a growing concern, with 15 million in all and a 15.4% increase, the sharpest rise around the world. As much as I like big numbers, I'm stuck on the little ones. One out of every 6 people on the planet is hungry? I'm almost at a loss for words...almost. Here's a radical notion. Maybe if we spent more time making sure humankind was well nourished, we wouldn't have to spend so much effort trying to figure out why so many people are angry with each other. Heck, if I was hungry all the time, I'd be pissed off to and looking for someone to blame.

Golf - Here's a 64 dollar question--who's leading the U.S. Open after a rather lengthy rain delayed first round. I'll give you a hint--It's probably not who you think, eh (actually there's two hints in there). Despite a double bogey on his back nine, Canadian Mike Weir closed with back-to-back birdies for a 6-under 64, giving him a two-shot lead and the lowest score in the U.S. Open in six years. Phil Mickelson challenged for the lead until he missed some short putts coming in and settled for a 69. Tiger Woods dropped four shots over the last four holes for a 74, his highest start at a major since a 76 at Winged Foot in the 2006 U.S. Open, the only time he has missed a cut in the major. Weir's great play put Woods right on the cut line — the 10-shot rule. I wouldn't rule Woods out just yet, but man does this guy like to dig himself into holes, or what?

Soccer - This just in...U.S. Soccer still blows on the international stage. The latest case in point is the 8-nation Confederations Cup being played in South Africa. Not only has the U.S. been shredded by both Italy (3-1) and Brazil (3-0), but it has the distinction of having earned not one, but two red cards. Way to go, Stars and Stripes. Bring on the World Cup!

TLC - In a clear sign that the tabloids are desperate for a headline, any headline, here's the latest in the ridiculous saga known as "Jon and Kate Plus 8". The TLC network says its biggest stars, Jon and Kate Gosselin, will announce a major decision on their reality show, "Jon & Kate Plus 8." Splashed across Web sites and magazine covers in recent weeks are accounts of infidelity by both spouses — Jon with a 23-year-old schoolteacher and Kate with her bodyguard — accusations both of them deny. Originally envisioned as a series chronicling the challenges of raising a supersize family, "Jon & Kate" has become more of a show that raised the question: Can this marriage be saved? Riddle me this--which is the more tragic tale--that the TLC network is exploiting this family for a ratings bonanza or that the viewing public is delivering those ratings?

What Caught My Eye Today

Iran - The Iranians attempted to elect themselves a president this weekend. The key word be "attempted". Protesters set fires and smashed store windows as groups challenging President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's re-election tried to keep pressure on authorities. Rival candidate, Mir Hossein Mousavi, sent a letter to the Guardian Council — a powerful clerical group — calling for the election to be canceled. He has claimed that he was the real winner. Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has closed the door for a possible compromise. He could have used his near-limitless powers to intervene in the election dispute. But, in a message on state TV on Saturday, he urged the nation to unite behind Ahmadinejad, calling the result a "divine assessment." Political posturing aside, it's Khamenei who pretty much has the final--well, pretty much, the only--say on this. If he's made up his mind that Ahmadinejad has won the election, then all this speculation is mute. I'm thinking that when Khamenei make mention of "divine assessment" he's referring to his own.

War on Terror - Director Leon Panetta says former Vice President Dick Cheney's criticism of the Obama administration's approach to terrorism almost suggests "he's wishing that this country would be attacked again, in order to make his point." One would assume that Panetta is exaggerating just a tad bit, to make a point. Then again, this is Cheney we're talking about, so you never know. Cheney has said in several interviews that he thinks Obama is making the U.S. less safe. He has been critical of Obama for ordering the closure of the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, halting enhanced interrogations of suspected terrorists and reversing other Bush administration initiatives he says helped to prevent attacks on the U.S. Don't get me wrong here, I think that Cheney's notion of suspending all the principles that America was founded on, in order to protect those very same principles is, by definition, flawed. However, I wouldn't for one moment question Cheney's patriotism. As much as I like the sound bite, I think Panetta went a bit off the reservation on this one.

Potpourri - Here's a hodge podge of news items whose only common link is this--Oh, come on. Like this really happened.

• A fisherman reeled in a live missile off the coast of Florida in waters used for weapons training by the Navy. The bomb squad that dismantled the bomb said it could have exploded at any time.
  And that my friends, is what you call a bona fide fishing story.
• A Virginia clinic is offering free Botox injections to the unemployed. A patient explained her rational for taking advantage of the offer--"You're more likely to be perceived in a better light, if you look good."
  by all means. I'd totally go with a freakishly fake smile as opposed to relying on actual marketable job skills.
• European budget airline Ryanair announced plans to charge passengers for each trip to the bathroom. Two of the three bathrooms on each plan will also be removed to make more room for extra seats. The CEO justified the move saying, "We are flying aircraft on an average flight time of one hour around Europe. What the hell do we need three toilets for?
  Of course that hour refers to time in the air only. I'm guessing that doesn't account for the 30 odd minutes you're sitting on the plane during preboarding, or the time you spend on the taxiway before and after your flight. But I'm sure the folks at Ryanair know what they're doing. What could possibly go wrong with limiting access to a bathroom?
• A California judge dismissed a lawsuit filed by a woman who said she had purchased "Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries" because she believed "crunchberries" were real fruit.
  Seriously, who determined that this case had enough merit to be brought to a judge in the first place?

American Idol - The fact that Idol is still in the news is proof positive, that pop culture has clearly decided to take the summer off. American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert revealed that he's gay. And??? Lambert said he decided to compete on the show after taking "certain funguses" at the Burning Man Festival in Nevada I'm still not seeing any surprises here. He all revealed that he was attracted to married first-place winner Kris Allen, whom he called "totally my type," except that he's "100% straight" And there you have it. All this time I was thinking that it was sheer coincidence that these guys were roommates during the competition. Who know that Glambert was trying to make a play for Kris Allen. I'm thinking this show would be a lot more interesting next season if FOX aired an "Idols After Dark" deal on Cinemax.

What Caught My Eye Today

Influenza - Swine flu is now formally a pandemic, a declaration by U.N. health officials that will speed vaccine production and spur government spending to combat the first global flu epidemic in 41 years. The announcement by the World Health Organization doesn't mean the virus is any more lethal — only that its spread is considered unstoppable. Why doesn't that make me feel any better about this? Since it was first detected in late April in Mexico and the United States, swine flu has reached 74 countries, infecting nearly 29,000 people. So far, swine flu has caused 144 deaths, compared with ordinary flu that kills up to 500,000 people a year. There, was that so difficult? Now I feel better. I'll take my chances with 144 over 500,000 any day of the week.

CIA - The CIA believes Osama bin Laden is still in Pakistan, and the spy agency is hoping to close in on him as that country's military cracks down on the northwestern tribal area where he is thought to be hiding. I don't want to sound unpatriotic or anything like that--I want the dude caught as much as anyone does--but seriously, if the CIA (or anyone for that matter) had a clue as to where this guy was shacked up, we'd be reading about how bin Laden was captured rather than where he might be hiding.

And in other CIA news... The CIA will spend nearly $250 million in the next five years to double the number of intelligence officers that are proficient in a foreign language. Less than a third of CIA analysts and overseas spies are proficient in a foreign language. What a novel idea. Maybe our chances of catching the bad guys would go up a bit if we understood what they were saying.

Palau - Palau's president said that his tiny Pacific nation's tradition of hospitality prompted the decision to take in 13 Chinese Muslims in limbo at Guantanamo Bay, but China called them "terrorist suspects" and demanded they be sent home. It's the first time since 2006 that the U.S. has successfully resettled any of Guantanamo's Uighurs. The U.S. government had determined they weren't enemy combatants and should be released. But China objected saying the men are members of extremist groups working to separate the far western region of Xinjiang from China. With all due respect to China, that part of the world isn't exactly what I would call prime real estate. The fruit and sheep which account for most of Xinjiang's exports cannot be that valuable to China. I'm guessing the sheer land mass, one sixth of China's total territory is much more compelling a reason to keep the region under tight wraps. But back to Palau... Palau has retained close ties with the United States since independence in 1994 and is entitled to U.S. protection under an accord. Two U.S. officials said that the U.S. was prepared to give Palau up to $200 million in development, budget support and other assistance in return for accepting the Uighurs and as part of a mutual defense and cooperation treaty that is due to be renegotiated this year. And as if that wasn't enough to piss of the Chinese... Palau, a former U.S. trust territory in the Pacific, is one of a handful of countries that does not recognize China, instead recognizing Taiwan.

Wealth - You may just want to skip this next item. It isn't pretty. The brute force of the recession earlier this year turned back the clock on Americans' personal wealth to 2004 and wiped out a staggering $1.3 trillion as home values shrank and investments withered. And if you think the first quarter of 2009 was bad... The hit to Americans' net worth was worse late last year. In the October-December period, it fell a record 8.6%, the largest drop on record dating to 1951. Wow, that just plain sucks.

Naturally, we cannot end on such a down note--I suppose we could, but how depressing would that be?--and so we shall not.

Sex - A spokesman for the daughter of Sonny and Cher says Chastity Bono "has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity" and began the sex-change process earlier this year. Chastity's father, Sonny, was said to be "proud of his decision" and hopes "that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue." See. I told you so. Honestly, considering Chastity's lineage, an announcement like this doesn't seem so far-fetched. You go, girl...I mean guy...I mean...Oh, good grief. Good for you...Chase, is it?

What Caught My Eye Today

Greenland - On June 21, Denmark will grant the right of self-government to Greenland. Policymakers for island of 56,000 are making big plans. Since Greenland has an abundance of swift rivers, the potential for cheap hydroelectric power is huge. Then there are the oil, gold, palladium, platinum, and zinc deposits. An unusual twist in all this: the impact of global warming. Melting ice is causing rivers to run even faster making it easier to reach those deposits. First things, first. I thought Greenland was a country already. I mean you'd think that the distinction between what a country is and what it isn't would be pretty straightforward. Turns out...not so much. Greenland was a Danish colony for about 300 years. Then, in 1985, Greenland became an autonomous country within the Kingdom of Denmark. Now don't confuse "autonomous" with "independent" like I did. Basically, Greenland was given the right of home rule (Home rule refers to a demand that constituent parts of a state be given greater self-government within the greater administrative purview of the central government--I looked it up). It wasn't until a referendum last year that Greenland was given control of the police force, coastguard, and courts. As an added bonus, Greenlandic will be recognized as an official language. And finally, here's a fascinating bit of trivia. Did you know that in 1946, the United States offered offered to buy Greenland from Denmark for $100,000,000, but Denmark refused to sell. If we had pulled that deal off, that would have rivaled Alaska for the steal of the century.

New York Stock Exchange - To quote that famous tagline (assuming you are familiar with "Project Runway"), "One day you are in, and the next day you are out." My, how the mighty have fallen. It didn't suit the blue-chip image of the Dow Jones Industrial Average to continue to include the stocks of bankrupt General Motors and ward-of-the-state Citigroup, So it's casting them out of the list of 30 in favor of Cisco Systems and Travelers. Interestingly, Travelers used to be a subsidiary of Citi. Cisco trades at around $20 and Travelers a bit over $40, compared with the less that $4 for the discarded companies. The higher prices will likely make the Dow move more erratically because of the way the average is calculated. But that's a minor blemish compared with the better reputations of the new stock. Yeah, that's right. Screw reality. We need those numbers to look good, darn it. The NYSE has more than 2700 listings (to say nothing of the more than 5000 on the NASDAQ), and yet the vast majority of the population relies on a revolving door index of 30 stocks (barely 1%) as its primary gauge of how well the economy is performing. Of course, if Jim Cramer and all those other "experts" say that the Dow is an accurate measure of the economy, then I guess it is...because they're never wrong.

National Secrets - The U.S. federal government mistakenly posted on the Internet a "highly confidential" 266-page report on the nation's nuclear plants, weapons labs, and nuclear-storage sites, with specific locations and details on what can be found there. Big deal. You've been able google that stuff for years. Seriously, this would be funny if it wasn't so tragic. Ever since, September 11, 2001, this country has been obsessed with securing the homeland. And then we do something like this. You know, if terrorists really wanted to hit us, they'd sit back and just wait for us to shoot ourselves in the foot.

Russia - The Russian Navy opened fire on a village near St. Petersburg during exercises in the Gulf of Finland. Somehow, no one was injured when artillery fire from an anti-submarine ship rained down on the village. I have a theory on this one. I'm thinking that no one was injured, because as soon as the village got word that the Navy was in the neighborhood, the locals got the heck out of Dodge. See, I don't think this is the first time the Russian Navy was aiming at the wrong target.

Golf - Tiger Woods won the Memorial this past weekend coming from 4 strokes behind in the final round. That's two wins in 7 tournaments that Tiger has entered since he came back from knee surgery. And he's finished in the top ten in 4 of the 5 other tournaments he's played in this year. That makes 67 career victories for Woods, 6 behind Jack Nicklaus and 15 behind Sam Snead.

Tennis - Roger Federer finally won his French Open and in the process tied Pete Sampras for most Grand Slam titles--14, and he became the sixth player to win the career Grand Slam. Some will say that the win wasn't as good, what with Rafael Nadal losing in the fourth round, but they're missing the point. Rafa lost, Roger didn't. That's how you win Grand Slams. Way to go, Roger. By the way, how many Majors do you think Tiger Woods has? Yup--14.

What Caught My Eye Today

National Sovereignty - This isn't exactly a news item, but I dig on stories like this one. When is a country not a country? Fascinating question, wouldn't you say. When the United Nations says it isn't. An official U.N. country needs approval from 9 of the 15 Security Council members. Here are 10 territories that are almost, but not quite countries (number in parentheses represents how many U.N. member states do recognize it):

• Palestine (98) - Next in line to become a U.N. member, if a two-state solution with Israel moves forward.
  Yeah, that should happen any day now.
• Kosovo (60) - Russia still considers it part of Serbia and is singlehandedly blocking its U.N. membership.
  As you continue down this list, this whole nation-state recognition thing between Russia and the rest of the Western world becomes a recurring theme.
• Western Sahara (46) - Some think it should be part of Morocco, while others think it belongs to Algeria. Biggest barrier to U.N. membership--no one has an incentive to get involved.
  I don't care who you are, that's got to hurt the old ego.
• Taiwan (22) - In 1971, President Nixon helped oust Taiwan from the U.N. to appease China and prevent Soviet expansion.
  Nice. All this railing against the Chinese to grant Taiwan its independence, all the while, the U.S. was the one who gave Taiwan to China in the first place.
• Abkhazia (2) - Declared independence from Georgia in 1991. Kept out of the U.N. by the West.
  Sound familiar?
• South Ossetia (2) - Declared independence from Georgia in 1992. Kept out of the U.N. by the West to keep out a pro-Russia vote.
  This is starting to sound like a broken record.
• Northern Cyprus (1) - Declared its independence from the rest of Cyprus in 1983. While the southern Republic of Cyprus is a full member of the U.N. and E.U., the north's only supporter is Turkey.
  This is what happens when you pick the wrong side to back you up. Turkey is all that and a bag of chips, but does not match up too well against...well, the rest of the world.
• Nagorno-Karabakh (0) - Primarily Armenian, but Azerbaijan claims its territory. Nobody recognizes it because picking a side means angering Russia, Armenia or Azerbaijan.
  These guys are hosed, unless they have more oil and natural gas then those other guys, and I just don't see that.
• Somaliland (0) - Was merged with Puntland to create Somalia 20 years ago. Wants independence, but no luck, chiefly because once a country is created, the global community is hesitant to dismantle it.
  The irony here is that Somaliland is a pretty stable joint with its own currency and school system. But, yeah I can see why we want to keep it hooked up with Somalia, what with the success story that mess has been.
• Transdniestria (0) - Declared its independence from Ukraine and Moldova in 1990, but has been governed by 1992 by Moldova which does not recognize its secession.
  Okay, maybe its just me, but if you want to be a country, pick a name that people have half a chance of pronouncing correctly.

Russia - Russian President Dmitri Medvedev established a presidential commission with the aim of "counteracting attempts to falsify history so as to undermine the interests of Russia." The commission will report to the president any domestic or foreign examples of "false" accounts of history. The formation of the commission is seen as a response to the wave of new history books in former Soviet Bloc nations that portray the fall of the Soviet Union as the "liberation" of Eastern Europe. History is a peculiar thing. More often than not, history tends to be written by the "winning side". By sheer coincidence (I'm sure) that history paints a rather positive picture of the "winners" while offering a not so flattering account of the "losing side." Funny how the Russians view themselves as the "losing side" in recent history.

Armageddon - If you have been paying attention you, no doubt, have noticed in the "Let Me Count The Days" section of this blog, that the end of the world is a less than 1300 days from now. Should you be curious why the end is so near, I give you this. The world is coming to an end on December 21, 2012. That's the day the Earth will be destroyed in some kind of fiery apocalypse. Well that does sound rather ominous, doesn't it? This latest end-times prophecy is based on the Mayan Long Count Calendar, which ends on that day. Of course, there are those that are of the opinion that when the calendar ends, it basically starts over, but then this story wouldn't be nearly as interesting would it?

China - I know things are tough all over, but this is harsh, even by Chinese standards. A man who held up traffic for five hours by threatening to jump off a bridge, was finally shoved off it by an impatient commuter who justified his actions by saying, "jumpers are very selfish". The jumper landed on an emergency air cushion and survived. With countrymen like that, I'm not sure surviving was much of a consolation.

Great Britain - Indulge me on this one. It really short. Plus, who doesn't appreciate a little potty humor every now and again. Residents of Butt Hole Road, in South Yorkshire finally tired of the jokes and the busloads of American tourists snapping photos of the street sign and changed the street's name to the more respectable Archer Way. What, only American tourists found this funny? I think not. And another thing, you can change the name all you want, my friends. To me you will always be Butt Holes. (I know, I know, cheap shot. I just couldn't help myself).

What Caught My Eye Today

Federal Budget - You may have recently heard that President Barack Obama submitted his budget proposal for 2010 complete with a mind boggling price tag of $3.55 trillion. The creative folks at Newsweek came up with a way for us ordinary folks to get our hands around this number. What can you buy with the 2010 federal budget?

• Everything produced in Italy in 2008 - $2.399 trillion
• All the oil in Saudi Arabia - $781 billion
• An electric car for every 16- and 17-year old in America - $146.2 billion
• The International Space Station - $130.2 billion
• A refund for everyone defrauded by Bernie Madoff - $65 billion
• The Big Dig, Boston's urban-infrastructure project - $22 billion
• Full funding for the Krasnow Institute's project to map the human brain - $4 billion
• All the tea in China - $1.84 billion
• The treasures of King Tut's tomb - $507 million
• A 99 cent MP3 download from iTunes for everyone in America - $301 million

All that and you'd still have close to $20 million...you know, for incidentals.

Cuba - Indulge me for a moment while I go off on a bit of a tangent. The California Supreme Court ruled today to uphold Proposition 8, a constitution ban on same sex marriage. Five state legislatures have decided to legalize same sex marriage, and to that list we might be adding a rather unexpected entry--Cuba. Mariela Castro, daughter of President Raul Castro, led hundreds of Cubans in a street dance last week to promote gay rights. Remind you of anyone here in the States? I'll give you the answer at the end. Mariela is an outspoken advocate for gay and transgender issues who has worked to change Cuban attitudes toward homosexuality. Homosexuality was decriminalized in 1979, although discrimination is still widespread. What is it about "daddy's little girl" that drives fathers to an early grave? Any guesses? You have to go back to 2002, when this daddy's girl joined the Republican gay-straight alliance and said sexual orientation should be a "non-issue for the Republican Party." At the risk of stating the obvious, Mary Cheney was in the minority on that issue. She certainly didn't have much influence on her father, Dick.

Canada - 9,000 Americans studied at Canadian universities in 2008, up from 2,300 in 1996. Many Canadian schools said applications from U.S. citizens are up sharply. Some universities report that Americans make up over 10% of this year's freshman class. Even though foreign students must pay higher tuition fees than Canadians do, a year of college in Canada costs about one-third as much as it does in the United States. Ah yes. It's an age old dilemma. Is the typical American student willing to spend a third of the money to get three times the amount of education? A very tough call, indeed.

China - Here's another entry for the "So Bizarre It Must Be True" file. China's first theme park devoted to sex has been demolished, weeks before it was due to open. "Love Land" (I swear I'm not making this up) was going to feature giant models of genitals, workshops on sex techniques, and educational displays about condom use. Here in America have something similar to what these guys were trying to do with this theme park, only we have a slightly different term for it--porn. The developer of the facility said he got the idea for the venture after visiting a popular sex park in South Korea. Locals began complaining when they saw the naked statues going up. Go figure.

Daydreaming - Daydreaming is often viewed as a sign of laziness or a lack of seriousness, but a new study says that's a bad rap. Neuroscientists found that when a person begins daydreaming, there's a lot of activity in regions of gray matter dedicated to high-level thought and complex problem-solving. Ah ha! I thought so. Check this out. I was in this staff meeting and my summer holiday was just around the corner. I started reminiscing about this trip I took to the South Pacific back in college. There was that time when the locals in Fiji introduced us to the local brew, Fiji Bitter. Dude, I got so toasted. Then there was that bar in New Zealand. There was this hot girl that talked me into signing up for that jelly wrestling and I totally...umm...So where was I? Daydreaming, right? Supposed to stimulate the brain? Works for me.

What Caught My Eye Today

Ireland - There are so many disturbing aspects about this story, I'm not sure where to begin. After a nine-year investigation, a commission published a damning report on decades of rapes, humiliation and beatings at Catholic Church-run reform schools for Ireland's castaway children. The investigation of the tax-supported schools uncovered previously secret Vatican records that demonstrated church knowledge of pedophiles in their ranks all the way back to the 1930s. The report found that molestation and rape were "endemic" in boys' facilities, chiefly run by the Christian Brothers order, and supervisors pursued policies that increased the danger. Girls supervised by orders of nuns, chiefly the Sisters of Mercy, suffered much less sexual abuse but frequent assaults and humiliation designed to make them feel worthless. If that doesn't provide enough shock factor, get a load of the response. Rather predictable, but still... The Catholic religious orders that ran more than 50 workhouse-style reform schools from the late 19th century until the mid-1990s offered public words of apology, shame and regret. But when questioned, their leaders indicated they would continue to protect the identities of clergy accused of abuse. One would think that with 2,600 pages of damning evidence, these order would be open to a bit more than some public apologies. From what I can gather, I'm not sure there is much sincerity backing them up. I find myself wondering if these guys still don't understand the magnitude of the distress they inflicted on children that were already in fragile states of mind. Seriously, how could any rationale human being justify this cruelty?

Iran - Look who has a new toy. A missile test-fired by Iran is the longest-range solid-propellant missile it has launched yet. Solid-propellant rockets are a concern because they can be fueled in advance and moved or hidden in silos. The Iranian missile had a range of 1,200 to 1,500 miles, putting Israel, U.S. bases in the Mideast, and parts of Eastern Europe within striking distance. Clearly developments like this aren't welcome news, especially considering this is the same Iran that has called for the annihilation of Israel on several occasions. And yet, even this has a rather amusing angle to it. Some dozen hours after the test was reportedly conducted, numerous U.S. defense and intelligence officials declined to even acknowledge the Iranian launch had occurred. Yeah, if we don't acknowledge the missile launch maybe it never happened. It's like that old saying--if a tree falls down in the forest and no one is there to see it, does it make a sound. Of course in this case, we're talking about some serious fire power. I pretty sure denying that the launch took place is going to change the fact that Iran has itself a whole lot more "shock and awe" than it did yesterday.

Utah - A Utah boy is trying to get into the record books by covering his face with live snails. Dear God, why? Surely there has to be an easier way to enjoy one's "15 minutes of fame." The boy allowed 43 of the slimy mollusks to be put on his face. The Guinness web site says the record set in 2007 for snails on the face for 10 seconds is eight. The boy says he has since learned the record was 36. What amazes me is that there is a world record for this sort of thing. Sitting back in a reclining chair, snails gathered from neighbors' gardens were carefully placed on his face. Those that remained for at least 10 seconds were counted. Honestly, don't you people have anything better to do with your time. And another thing. What sort of parent allows their kid to pull a stunt like this?

Cycling - Stage 11 of the Giro d'Italia is in the books. Guess who is beginning to inch his way back up the leaderboard. A freak crash could impact Levi Leipheimer’s chance of winning the marathon-like time trial in the 12th stage of the Giro d’Italia. Meanwhile, Lance Armstrong keeps improving and could contend for the first victory of his comeback after 3 1/2 years of retirement and breaking his collarbone in March. Leipheimer somersaulted off his bike when someone dropped a water bottle in front of him in the feeding zone midway through the stage. Mark Cavendish won the mostly flat 11th stage Wednesday in a mass sprint, and Danilo Di Luca of Italy maintained a 1 minute, 20 second overall lead on Denis Menchov of Russia. Michael Rogers of Australia was third overall, 1:33 behind, and Leipheimer is fourth, 1:40 back. Armstrong moved up two spots to 16th overall, 5:28 behind Di Luca. Alas, not all the news is good for American cyclists. Chris Horner did not start the stage because of a muscle tear in his left calf following a crash a day earlier. On the off chance that you are under the impression that cycling is not the most exciting sport on the face of the planet, consider this. In just over two months every top-level American cyclist has suffered a crash or injury. Armstrong - broken collarbone, Horner - muscle tear, Christian Vandevelde crashed out Stage 1, and Leipheimer has crashed...well, pretty much at least once in every stage race he's ridden in this year. You don't see this many crashes in stock car racing.

American Idol - Fred's Note: If you are relying on this blog for news on Idol, you clearly don't care much about the talent competition so I'll keep this short. More than 100 million votes were cast after Tuesday's singing showdown between Lambert and Allen. A record-setting 624 million votes were cast over the season. And the winner is--Kris Allen. Yeah, that's a bit of an upset, but not totally unexpected. Honestly, do you really think that a dude having nicknames like "Glambert" and "guyliner" had a prayer in hell of capturing the "red state" votes? Bravo Kris. One final word on this season's competition. Lose the fourth judge. Kara DioGuardi is a useless addition, who--big surprise--sucks as a songwriter too. After all that Lambert and Allen went through to make the finals, they both had to perform a rendition of this season's coronation song, a piece of crap called "No boundaries." I read an article today suggesting that the reason this song was selected was that it did suck and would never be picked up by a artist with an ounce of talent (or self-respect). By making this the Idol's swan song (so to speak) the song writers will pocket around $80,000 for their effort. Dude, that's just wrong. Now that Idol is finally over, we can focus on more pressing matters, like the start of this season's "So You Think You Can Dance." Yeah, baby.

What Caught My Eye Today

Racial Demographics - I used to think that when you filled out a survey or application, picking your racial profile ranked up there with gender for degree of difficulty. And then I read this... A medical student says he was suspended from New Jersey's University of Medicine and Dentistry for insisting that he is a white African-American. Dude isn't stupid, I swear. The man was born in Mozambique before moving to the United States, and described himself in a class assignment on identity as "white, African, American." Technically all true. He claimed that student and faculty berated him, saying no whiter person could call himself an African-American. When her persisted he was suspended for two years. He is now suing the school. Amazingly, enough, I bet he'll win. I'm a bit curious how a institution of high learning such as this was unable to open its mind to the possibility that a white person could be both "African" and "American."

Sri Lanka - Sri Lanka declared total victory in one of the world's most intractable wars, after killing the separatist Tamil Tigers' leader and taking control of the entire country for the first time since 1983. In a climactic gunbattle, special forces troops killed Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) leader Vellupillai Prabhakaran as he tried to flee the war zone in an ambulance early today. I don't have anything particularly poignant to say, but when a 26 year civil war comes to an end, I'd say that's newsworthy. And unless you happen to be a fan of the BBC or NPR, chances are you'll never hear about it.

Somalia - Are you familiar with the saying, "No matter how bad things seem, they could always be worse." I give you "worse". Somalia is only nominally a nation. The former British colony has not had a functional government since 1991. Some 1.3 million of Somalia's 9 million citizens are "internally displaced," living in squalid refugee camps or roaming the country, homeless, searching for food. About 3.2 million Somalis depend on food rations, fewer than a quarter of its children go to school, and its maternal mortality and illiteracy rates are among the highest in the world. Warlords and armed gangs control much of the country. Since neighboring Ethiopia invaded Somalia in 2006, at least 10,000 innocent civilians have been killed. Given that background one can understand why piracy seems to be a growth industry. These guys seriously have nothing to lose and everything to gain. One successful ship seizure and ransom can make a pirate crew instant millionaires.

New Zealand - One word can describe this next item--Eww. A six-year, $12 million scientific study has identified the flavors in New Zealand's signature Sauvignon Blanc as a combination of passion fruit, asparagus, and... (here it comes) cat urine. A researcher associated with the study said, "If you had a whole lot of cat's pee it obviously wouldn't be great, but it's amazing what a little can do." That just ain't right, especially seeing as I've put away my fair share of the stuff. Of course, on the bright side, the next time I have a bottle that doesn't taste so good, I will take pride in the fact that when I declare to my dining companions that the wine "tastes like piss," I'll be right.

Sports - Busy weekend is sports. Here's my take on just a few of the highlights.

Horse Racing - Rachel Alexandra won the Preakness Stakes. The headline here is that Rachel is a filly and fillies have only won a Triple Crown race 11 times...ever. Of course, this means we won't have a Triple Crown contender at the Belmont Stakes...again. But who really pays attention to this stuff anyway? Besides me, I mean.

Hockey - Two months into the Stanley Cup playoffs, we have the Conference Finals underway. In the West, we have the (2) Detroit Red Wings going against the (4) Chicago Blackhawks in a matchup of Original Six teams and in the East, we have the (6) Carolina Hurricanes taking on the (4) Pittsburgh Penguins. I'll take the Red Wings and Penguins--both in 7 games.

NBA - Not to be outdone by the NHL, we have the NBA Conference Final matchups set. In the East, (1) Cleveland Cavaliers will face (3) Orlando Magic in what is technically a best of 7 series. I doubt the Magic will manage to stretch this to a fifth game. Over in the West, we have a 1-2 matchup between the L.A. Lakers and Denver Nuggets. I'll take L.A. in 7. Like it really matters. LeBron James and the Cavs have got this thing in the bag.

Soccer - Guess what? I follow European Football--otherwise known as soccer--too. Two of the powerhouse European leagues have crowned familiar teams as champions. For the third consecutive year, Manchester United has claimed the English Premier League title and for the fourth consecutive year, Inter Milan has won Italy's Serie A title. Okay then, moving on...

Cycling - It's a rest day on the Giro d'Italia, so we have time to catch up on the last couple of stages. Since we last left the Giro (stage 6, I believe), the peleton hit the mountains in earnest. The top American riders continue to be Levi Leipheimer (+51") and Chris Horner (+1'25"). Lance Armstrong is in 25th place, four and a half minutes off the overall lead. All 3 riders race for Astana, which if you remember hasn't paid its staff or riders since February. This has prompted Armstrong to seek out U.S. sponsorship for the team, so he can ride in the Tour de France in July. Oh, and by the way, the times from Stage 9 were thrown out, because the riders were protesting the dangerous conditions of the course that nearly claimed the life of a Spanish rider on Saturday's eighth stage. Wouldn't it be nice, if we could actually see this race someplace other than the Internet?

What Caught My Eye Today

Torture - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi bluntly accused the CIA of misleading her and other lawmakers about its use of waterboarding during the Bush administration. "They mislead us all the time," she said. Asked whether the agency had lied, Pelosi said yes. What's this? A spy agency being accused of subterfuge? It's a world gone mad, I tell you. Pelosi also vehemently disputed Republican charges that she was complicit in the use of waterboarding, and she suggested the GOP was trying to shift the focus of public attention away from the Bush administration's use of techniques that she and President Barack Obama have described as torture. Pelosi has been the target of a campaign orchestrated in recent days by the House Republican leadership, which is eager to undercut her statements as well as stick Democrats with partial responsibility for the use of waterboarding — a kind of simulated drowning — in the Bush administration. Pelosi renewed her call for a so-called truth commission to investigate the events in the Bush administration that led to the use of waterboarding and other harsh interrogation techniques. So let me see if I've got this straight. Pelosi is on a witch hunt trying to punish a guy who is no longer in power for doing something that the new guy has banned. In what can only be described as retaliation, Republicans are attempting to defend past transgressions by saying Democrats, like Pelosi, were fully aware of what was going on and did nothing to stop it. Which, in turn, motivates Pelosi even more to prove that the Republican administration was at fault. Forget the fact that this probe will probably bear out if Pelosi knew about what was going on or not. Did you follow all that? Me neither. Still, I guess this is a far better use of Congress's time than say, oh I don't know, fixing the battered economy.

Body Parts - This story is just plain creepy. A man was convicted of carving up cadavers donated to UCLA's medical school and selling the parts to unsuspecting medical research companies in a $1.5 million scheme. Prosecutors said he bought the donated torsos, cut them up and kept them frozen in a rented warehouse until they were sold to companies that didn't know they had been improperly obtained. I suppose you can give this whack job credit for ingenuity, but boyfriend certainly doesn't get any bonus point in the brains department. Here's his defense. He thought the sales were authorized by the university. Of course they were. Why wouldn't a university authorize the sale of body parts and allow the dude who was supposed to transport them to pocket the proceeds? At the risk of stating the obvious, Einstein is now serving a four year prison term in the state penitentiary.

Space Shuttle - A pair of spacewalking astronauts overpowered a stubborn bolt and successfully installed a new piano-sized camera in the Hubble Space Telescope, the first step to making the observatory better than ever. The newly inserted wide-field and planetary camera — worth $132 million — will allow astronomers to peer deeper into the universe, to within 500 million to 600 million years of creation. The old one was installed in December 1993 during the first Hubble repair mission and has taken more than 135,000 observations. A camera the size of a piano? I wonder what type of film that takes? I'm guessing something a bit larger than 35mm. And how about the size of the roll. 135,000 pictures. A standard roll of film takes about 24 exposures right? That's like 5600 rolls of film. (Yeah, yeah, I know. They use digital photography these day, but if I went down that path I couldn't have made that crack about the 5600 rolls of film could I?)

North Pole - British explorers in northern Canada to measure the thickness of floating Arctic sea ice ended their expedition short of reaching the North Pole due to an early summer ice melt. That sort of defeats the purpose of measuring the ice doesn't it? The explorers had planned a three-month journey to the North Pole, during which they measured the thickness of floating sea ice to provide data to scientists studying the impact of global warming in the region, but stopped after 73 days. Information the team gathers could contribute to a better understanding of global warming, which is believed to be the main culprit in the rapidly melting polar ice cap that is freeing up new sea routes and untapped mineral resources on the ocean bottom. That's all well and good, but I'm thinking the bigger story here is that they had to cut short their expedition because they ran out of North Pole to explore. It's melting away too fast. I'd say that's a pretty good indicator that global warming is having some impact on the region.

Cycling - Day 6 of the Giro D'Italia is in the books. Levi Leipheimer’s chance of winning the Giro d’Italia keeps getting better. Lance Armstrong keeps losing time. Leipheimer finished in the main pack in the sixth stage, with the race crossing into Austria. The Montana rider remained fourth overall, 43 seconds behind the overall leader. For the third consecutive stage, Armstrong was dropped from the lead group. This time, the seven-time Tour de France winner was undone by a steep downhill run. Armstrong lost 1:15 and dropped from 22nd to 25th overall, 4:13 behind. Bear in mind the dude is coming of a 3 1/2 year retirement and a shattered collarbone in March. Leipheimer has a long list of accomplishments. He finished second to teammate Alberto Contador in last year’s Spanish Vuelta, was third in the 2001 Spanish Vuelta and 2007 Tour de France and took the bronze medal in the time trial at the Beijing Olympics. "Things haven’t changed for me," Leipheimer said. "I think maybe just more people are paying attention now because of Lance." Armstrong does tend to have the affect on things. Still, I wouldn't count out a stage victory for Armstrong sometime in the next couple of weeks.

What Caught My Eye Today

Rhode Island - The mayor of Providence wants to slap a $150-per-semester tax on the 25,000 full-time students at Brown University and three other private colleges in the city, saying they use resources and should help ease the burden on struggling taxpayers. Back in my day, they called it something different--tuition, I think it was called. If enacted, it would apparently be the first time a U.S. city has directly taxed students just for being enrolled. The proposal is still in its early stages. But it has riled some students, who say it would unfairly saddle them with the city's financial woes and overlook their volunteer work and other contributions, including money spent in restaurants, bars and stores. And let's not forget those other contributions like traffic school fees and bail bonds. If I were a betting man, I'd say that those same college students are kicking in their fair share on both counts.

Swine Flu - Anyone curious about how the flu pandemic is coming along? There are now 33 countries reporting an estimated total of 6,080 confirmed swine flu cases, including 3,009 in 45 U.S. states, 2,446 in Mexico and 358 in Canada. But the death total is relatively low — 65, of which 60 were in Mexico, three in the U.S., one in Canada and one in Costa Rica. Those don't seem like global pandemic numbers to me. So what up? Mexico has tested about 9,000 sick people, working through a backlog of samples taken before and after the virus was identified as swine flu — and found that Mexico's dead represents 2.5% of confirmed cases, suggesting the virus is not as deadly as initially feared. There is a danger the virus will mutate into something more dangerous — perhaps by combining with the more deadly but less easily spread bird flu virus circulating in Asia and Africa. I see. It's not the cases we already know about that is the problem. It's the cases we don't know about yet. Yeah, that's a comforting thought.

Bethlehem - What's this about Bethlehem in May? Christmas is more than 7 months away. Is the Pope in town or what? Pope Benedict XVI made a powerful plea for a Palestinian state, mixing prayer and politics at Jesus' birthplace and expressing solidarity at a refugee camp with "all the homeless Palestinians who long to be able to return to their birthplace." Wow. So he is. The Vatican has long supported a Palestinian state. Christians are a tiny minority among the 3.9 million Palestinians who live in the West Bank and Gaza Strip. In a trend seen throughout the Middle East, their numbers have dwindled as Palestinians weary of occupation seek out new opportunities abroad. Imagine that. Palestinians picking life abroad rather than death at home. Go figure. I am somewhat at a loss as to why the Vatican is expending some much effort on a region where the Christian population is almost non-existent.

Kenya - I'm a bit late on reporting this item, but it is just too good to pass over. Hundreds of Kenyan women abstained from sex for a week to protest the bickering of their nation's political leaders. The political rivals who both claimed to have won last year's presidential election have been feuding since they formed a coalition government to end post-election violence. But wait. As hard as it may be to imagine, the story gets better. A Kenyan man sued the women's activist group, claiming the sex boycott it organized affected his marriage and caused him stress. Umm, so does he think this stunt is likely to improve his chances for a conjugal visit from the missus? In the lawsuit, the man says the boycott caused symptoms that included headaches and insomnia. Dude, those so-called symptoms you claim you have; the rest of the world has another word for--it's called "life".

Cycling - Day #5 of the Giro d'Italia is in the books. Levi's looking strong while Lance's has fallen off the pace a bit.Russia’s Denis Menchov won the 125-km fifth stage of the Giro d’Italia while Lance Armstrong slipped back after a punishing mountain climb. Seven-times Tour de France winner Armstrong, who made a bright start to the Giro having only just recovered from a broken collarbone, found the stage tough and is three minutes 34 seconds back in 22nd place overall. Meanwhile, Levi Leipheimer finds himself in fourth place just 43 seconds out of the lead. Oh and this just in. Armstrong may find himself in unfamiliar territory pretty soon, that of rider/owner. Armstrong has a lot on his mind given he is considering taking over Astana so they can guarantee participation in July’s Tour de France. The Kazakh-funded team failed to pay all their riders last month and have been threatened with having their Pro-Licence stripped. Armstrong indicated last week that he was talking to U.S.-based sponsors about taking over the team himself. That might be his only solution if he wants to go for an eighth Tour de France title in July. Somehow, I don't see him having that hard of a time securing a sponsor.

What Caught My Eye Today

Entitlements - Otherwise known as Social Security and Medicare. Social Security and Medicare are fading even faster under the weight of the recession, heading for insolvency years sooner than previously expected. Social Security will start paying out more in benefits than it collects in taxes in 2016, a year sooner than projected last year, and the giant trust fund will be depleted by 2037, four years sooner. Medicare is in even worse shape. The program for hospital expenses will pay out more in benefits than it collects this year, just as it did for the first time in 2008. The Medicare fund will be depleted by 2017, two years earlier than the date projected in last year's report. Let's try to look at this from slightly different perspective. Maybe that will make this seem a little less bleak. Let's say you're in Las Vegas and want to do some gambling. Depending on the casino, you are looking at a payout in the range of 95% to 98%. That means for every dollar you invest, on average you'll walk away with 95 to 98 cents. Take that same analogy and apply it to Social Security. For every dollar that you invest, you'll walk away with about 75 cents. Feel better? Me neither. Now get this. According to some analysts, we could shore up Social Security for another 75 years if Social Security withholdings were increased by just 2%. Doesn't seem like much does it? As for Medicare, I'm not sure I care. Seriously, if I have no money to live off of in retirement, I'm not sure living to a ripe old age is going to be that appealing anyway.

Space Shuttle - Space shuttle Atlantis is now in a rough orbital neighborhood — a place littered with thousands of pieces of space junk zipping around the Earth at nearly 20,000 mph. There are more pieces of shattered satellites and used-up rockets in this region than astronauts have ever encountered. And the crew must be there for more than a week to repair the Hubble Space Telescope. The telescope orbits about 350 miles above Earth, a far dirtier place than where shuttles normally fly. And all those tiny projectiles raise the constant threat of a potentially fatal collision. The Air Force is tracking more than 19,000 objects in all sorts of orbits — most of it junk. NASA now puts the risk for a catastrophic collision with junk during the mission at 1 in 229 — greater than typical flights to the space station but lower than the agency's initial estimates. I'll get to my point in a moment. Bear with me. Initially, when Johnson and other experts at the Johnson Space Center calculated the risk for losing Atlantis because of debris, it was slightly worse than 1 in 200. That's the threshold for NASA to think twice about doing the flight. Engineers came up with some maneuvers to reduce the likelihood of getting hit, and have now decided the risk is an acceptable 1 in 229. That risk is usually about 1 in 300 during space station missions. I have to be honest, I'm not a big fan of any of those odds. But enough about that. So what was it that reduced the risk to an 'acceptable' level? Apparently, the brain trust at NASA has decided that it now has the ability to repair tile damage sustained in orbit. Bear in mind, the last time an astronaut stepped outside to do a repair, she dropped the tool; that tool is now one of those 19,000 objects that the Air Force is now tracking. As an added precaution, NASA has decided to have Atlantis haul ass to a lower orbit after it finishes its repairs on the Hubble to inspect itself before re-entry. Yeah, dramatic orbit changes sounds real safe. And finally, in it's infinite wisdom, NASA's final contingency plan if something happens to Atlantis is to send up Endeavour for a rescue mission. Let me see if I have this straight. Atlantis has a 1 in 229 chance of having something go wrong and the back up is to send up another shuttle with a marginally better 1 in 300 chance of failure. Say what you will about the logic of this plan; these guys have some serious brass 'ones' for even suggesting this, let alone going through with it. In all seriousness, I'm a big proponent of the space program, and hope that all this stuff I've been mocking does not have to be contemplated. Best of luck, astronauts.

Iraq - As if our troops deployed in Iraq didn't have enough to worry about. A 44-year-old soldier has been charged with murder and aggravated assault of five fellow soldiers. It has been suggested that the soldier was treated poorly at the stress center and that counselors "broke" him before the gunfire erupted in a military stress center. The attacks came just weeks before the end of his third tour of duty in Iraq. There is so much wrong with this sequence of events, that it's difficult too determine where to begin. There is nothing even remotely humorous about any aspect of this story. The system clearly failed, exhibiting a level of incompetence that one could describe as laughable. Unfortunately for the victims of this tragedy, there is nothing amusing about it. I find myself surprisingly sympathetic to the plight of this soldier as well. While I will stop short of saying his mental condition excuses his actions, the soldier was obviously a casualty of questionable treatment practices. He and the soldiers whose lives he cut short, deserved better, especially considering the service they were providing their country.

Okay, then. We got a little too serious there. Time to lighten things up. And what better way to do that...

Cycling - Yeah, boy. The first grand tour of Europe is under way, baby! The 2009 Giro d'Italia is the 92nd running of the Giro d'Italia and marks the 100th year since the first Giro d'Italia. It will be held from 9–31 May. It started in Venice and will finish in Rome. There is also going to be a stage finish on Mount Vesuvius. Yeah, yeah. Big whoop. Here's the big news--Lance Armstrong is racing. That's right. The same Lance who broke his collarbone, like yesterday (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating just a bit. Dude broke it about 2 months ago, but still an impressive comeback). The real injustice here is the television coverage, or lack thereof. American audiences pretty much have to rely on Universal Sports for online video stream coverage of the race. That aside, American cyclists are having a pretty good go of things four stages into the 3 week race. Levi Leipheimer is in fifth place overall 26 seconds off the lead and Armstrong is in sixth just 28 seconds off the pace. Did I mention that the dude broke his collarbone a few weeks ago and, oh by the way, is coming off 4 years in retirement. Boy has skill.

What Caught My Eye Today

Russia - Break out your favorite 'military intelligence' oxymoron quips. Fifty of Russia's 249 generals failed a pop quiz and will be fired. The Deputy Defense Minister said, "We do not intend to keep officers who are not up to par for their positions and high titles in the armed forces." That's right, if you want to get paid for being incompetent you should have applied for a government job. The proficiency test and subsequent firings ar epart of a general downsizing of Russia's military. An additional 133 generals will be forced to retire this year because of poor health or old age. Ultimately, the number of officers will be more than halved, to 150,000, for an army of about 1 million. So let me see if I've got this straight. If 150,000 represents a reduction of more than 50%, that means there are more than 300,000 officers currently. If my math is correct (and I think it is), that is soldier to officer ratio of 3 to 1. I've been on luxury cruise ships where the staff to passenger ratio twice that. Just how much leadership do these guys need?

Spain - Spain has opened a judical investigation of those responsible for alleged torture at the U.S. prison camp in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Spanish officials were moved to act after speaking to prisoners who said they were beaten, sexually assaulted, and had chemicals sprayed in their eyes. What, no waterboarding? The inquiry will examine "perpetrators, instigators, necessary collaborators, and accomplices" to tourture, including soldiers and military intelligence officers. The investigation is separate from an ongoing Spanish inquiry into abusive interrogation techniques that could result in charges agains former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and five other Bush administration officials. Ah right, there it is. All I have to say is that Congress better get its act together if it wants to level charges against anyone in the Bush Administration. Otherwise, Congress is likely to find itself waiting in line behind the International Criminal Court in the Hague. Or perhaps not, seeing as the United States is one of the few countries that does not recognize the Court's authority. Either way, the fact that an ally of the United States has opened a criminal investigation against former U.S. officials cannot be good.

Canada - I'm not purposely targeting Canadians; it's just that they happen to be one of the first to admit to a problem every other technologically advanced nation all faces. Canada's tax agency is stockpiling hundreds of old computers containing sensitive taxpayer data that officials are unable to delete. Tax offices around the country have been storing old hard drives in locked facilities. Some have resorted to smashing computer to destroy the data. Police officials said to properly destroy a hard drive, it should be run through commerical equipment that slices it into bits no bigger than the width of a pencil. See, you all are making this way too complicated. There is a simple solution to this. Here's what you do--Fire up one of those bad boys and connect to the Internet. Navigate to a website of questionable repute (otherwise known as a porn site). I promise that within a couple of minutes, you will have so many pop up ads, the computer will be pretty much useless. Not that I speak from personal experience or anything like that. I...uh...yeah, I read an article about this in...uh...yeah, a journal. That's right.

Prisons - Here's another entry for the So Stupid It Must Be True file. As a cost cutting measure, the U.S. Bureau of Prisons has been allowing prisoners to transfer themselves, unescorted, from one prison to another. Brilliant. Simply brilliant, wouldn't you say? Officials have confirmed that some prisoners at minimum security facilities are given bus tickets and told to make the trip to the next prison on their own, and that some prisoners have seized the opportunity to escape. A Bureau spokeswomen said "the savings are substantial. Obviously. I mean if a prisoner escapes, you no longer have the overhead costs associated with incarcerating the guy anymore. I want to know what's wrong with the prisoners that didn't try to escape. Some just ain't right with those dudes.

What Caught My Eye Today

Influenza - What's in a name? Turns out quite a bit. On Wednesday, U.S. officials started calling the virus 2009 H1N1 after two of its genetic markers. Then on Thursday, the World Health Organization said it would stop using the name swine flu because it was misleading and triggering the slaughter of pigs in some countries. Should you be wondering, our Egyptian brethren decides to off 300,000 pigs in an asinine attempt to curb the virus. Another reason the U.S. government wants to ditch the swine label is that many people are afraid to eat pork, hurting the $97 billion U.S. pork industry. Even the experts who point to the swine genetic origins of the virus agree that people can't get the disease from food or handling pork, even raw. Salmonella, yes; but the flu, evidently not. Mexico's Health Secretary said it's wrong to call it "North American flu" and flatly rejects the idea of calling it "Mexican flu." Go figure. Whatever happened to the adage, "there is no such thing as bad publicity"?

Saudi Arabia - Some of you may remember a couple of weeks back when I posted a story about this poor 8-year old girl that got married off to a guy old enough to be her grandfather. An 8-year-old Saudi girl has divorced her middle-aged husband after her father forced her to marry him last year in exchange for about $13,000. There are no laws in Saudi Arabia defining the minimum age for marriage. Though a woman's consent is legally required, some marriage officials don't seek it. Naturally. It's one thing to say that women have rights; but it is altogether different to actually expect those rights to be honored. Saudi Arabia has come under increasing criticism at home and abroad for permitting child marriages. The United States, a close ally of the conservative Muslim kingdom, has called child marriage a "clear and unacceptable" violation of human rights. Imagine the language we would have used if they weren't a "close ally." Lucky for them we turn a blind eye to transgressions perpetrated by those that have stuff that we want.

Iraq - The Iraq war formally ended for British forces as America's main battlefield ally handed control of the oil-rich Basra area to U.S. commanders and prepared to ship out most of its remaining 4,000 troops. At the height of combat operations in the months after the U.S.-led invasion, Britain had 46,000 troops in Iraq. Washington still has about 130,000 troops in Iraq and has shifted units south ahead of the British pullout. British commanders have been gradually handing over responsibility of the Basra region to the U.S. military since March and have been withdrawing troops from the country in phasesSo that's how it's done. All you have to do is find some patsy to take your place. Sounds simple enough. Now where can we find a patsy? There must be one around here someplace. Oh, dear God. There's no one left. We're the last patsy. DOH!!!

Netherlands - A Dutch driver careened through police barriers and plowed into a crowd of merrymakers cheering their popular queen in a premeditated assault on the royal family that killed five bystanders and injured 12. The speeding car, already dented apparently from catapulting bystanders into the air, passed within a yards of the open-topped bus carrying Queen Beatrix and her family down a parade route, then smashed into a stone monument. The motive for the attack was unclear. Dutch media, citing neighbors, said the assailant recently was fired from his job and was to be evicted from his home. The driver apparently acted alone and was not linked to any terrorist or ideological group. I'm sympathetic to anyone who loses their job in this economic downturn. I'm sure this guy didn't ask for any of this to happen to him. That being said, what gives this selfish jerk the right to vent his frustrations in such a manner that five innocent people--probably very much like this guy--had to lose their lives. And another thing. What is the obsession with lashing out at royalty. I doubt they are worried about where their next meals are coming from, but I'm pretty sure, their lives are any less complicated than us commoners. Throw this schmuck in the clink and throw away the key. Better yet, how about we ram a car into him and see how he likes it.

What Caught My Eye Today

Influenza - I don't want to diminish the importance of urgency in dealing with this swine flu outbreak, but there is such a thing as overreacting. Case in point... Egypt ordered a pig slaughter (300,000 pigs) even though there hasn't been a single case of swine flu there and no evidence that pigs have spread the disease. Britain, with only five cases, is trying to buy 32 million masks. And in the United States, President Barack Obama said more of the country's 132,000 schools may have to be shuttered. At airports from Japan to South Korea to Greece and Turkey, thermal cameras were trained on airline passengers to see if any were feverish. And Lebanon discouraged traditional Arab peck-on-the-cheek greetings, even though no one has come down with the virus there. Seriously, people. Get a grip. It's the flipping flu for crying out loud. Lest you had forgotten, thousands of people every year die from the flu. As for this being a strain that we don't have an antidote for, again this is nothing new. That flu shot you get every year--it's pretty much a crap shot as to whether or not the pharmaceutical companies guessed the right flu strain or not. Rather than flip out, here's a more practical response--wash your friggin' hands once in a while. You'd be amazed at how effective that can be.

100 Days - Guess who's been on the job for 100 days? In any other line of work, this would be not big deal (in most states, after 90 days, it much harder to get fired). However, being the leader of the free world isn't your run-of-the-mill job. Here are some highlights from President Obama's 100 days in office press conference.

• Obama said that waterboarding authorized by former President George W. Bush was torture and that the information it gained from terror suspects could have been obtained by other means
  I'm shocked. I would have thought that Obama would have moved heaven and earth to protect Bush's legacy.
• Obama expressed much greater optimism now than a month ago that Chrysler could remain a "going concern," possibly without filing for bankruptcy or with a "very quick" one.
  Dude, it's Chrysler. I think Obama would be doing the world a favor by putting Chrysler out of our misery. How many people do you know that would miss the Sebring? Sure they gave us the minivan, but is that really a legacy to be proud of?
• The president gave assurance that one way or another Pakistan's nuclear arsenal would not fall into the hands of Islamic extremists. He said he was confident "primarily, initially" because he believes Pakistan will handle the issue on its own.
  Well, I'm glad he's confident. Me? I'm petrified.
• The president also gave his strongest public admission yet that the overhaul of the current immigration system that he once promised to tackle in his first 100 days will not happen in 2009.
  Seeing as this is the 100th day of his presidency, and we haven't heard much on the immigration thing, this is sort of a no-brainer. Though in the dude's defense, he has been rather busy on other stuff.

Antarctica - Massive ice chunks are crumbling away from a shelf in the western Antarctic Peninsula, researchers said, warning that 1,300 square miles of ice — an area larger than Rhode Island — was in danger of breaking off in coming weeks. At the risk of stating the obvious, this is not a good thing. The falling away of Antarctic ice shelves does not, in itself, raise sea levels, since the ice was already floating in the sea. But such coastal tables of ice usually hold back glaciers, and when they disintegrate that land ice will often flow more quickly into the sea, contributing to sea-level rise. Average temperatures in the Antarctic Peninsula have risen by 3.8 degrees Fahrenheit over the past 50 years — higher than the average global rise, according to studies. In geological terms, that equates to spontaneous combustion. The Earth is a living organism so change is to be expected. Hence geological evidence of past ice ages. The problem is that humans have managed to compress events that usually take thousands of years into several decades. Mother Nature doesn't respond very well to rapid change. One way or the other she's going to sort things out, which does not bode very well for us.

What Caught My Eye Today

Congress - Big news. Depending on what side of the political spectrum you gravitate this big new will also be either good news or bad news. Republican Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania switched parties with a suddenness that seemed to stun the Senate, a moderate's defection that pushed Democrats to within a vote of the 60 needed to overcome filibusters and enact President Barack Obama's top legislative priorities. Of course, if you have no interest in politics, this is pretty much a snoozer, so no hard feelings if you want to skip to the next story. As for the rest of you...OH MY GOD! The cable networks are probably drowning in their own drool over this one. Usually, the Senate is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Not long after Specter met privately with Republican senators to explain his decision, the party's leader, Senator Mitch McConnell, said the switch posed a "threat to the country." The issue, he said, "really relates to ... whether or not in the United States of America our people want the majority party to have whatever it wants, without restraint, without a check or balance." That's just a tad bit melodramatic don't you think, Senator? I'm not sure this warrants scaring the piss out of the country. Besides, the dude was already voting with the Democrats most of the time anyway. Now you can focus on running the conservative candidates that you want next year in Pennsylvania.

Influenza - The global swine flu outbreak worsened as authorities said hundreds of students at a New York school have fallen ill and federal officials said they expected to see U.S. deaths from the virus. The irony is that in a normal year, flu season would almost be over. Cuba suspended flights to and from Mexico, becoming the first country to impose a travel ban to the epicenter of the epidemic. Confirmed cases were reported for the first time as far away as New Zealand and Israel, joining the United States, Canada, Britain and Spain. Swine flu is believed to have killed more than 150 people in Mexico, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said the U.S. has 68 confirmed cases in five states, with 45 in New York, one in Ohio, one in Indiana, two in Kansas, six in Texas and 13 in California. Still, U.S. officials stressed there was no need for panic and noted that flu outbreaks are quite common every year. The CDC estimates about 36,000 people in the U.S. died of flu-related causes each year, on average, in the 1990s. On a related note, it took 99 days, but Barack Obama finally completed his Cabinet. Kathleen Sebelius finally won Senate confirmation to be Barack Obama’s Health and Human Services secretary. Any guess as to what she's going to be doing on her first day of work. I'll bet you a buck, she'll be skipping out on orientation.

Space Shuttle - Of course, Obama still has some slots to fill, including that of NASA Administrator. NASA is facing a critical deadline to make its biggest decision in a generation: whether to go forward with plans to retire the space shuttle fleet and replace it with a new mode of space travel. But the agency still has no chief to make the $230 billion call. A key deadline is April 30, when a congressional rule governing the shuttle's infrastructure expires. After that date, NASA will be free to start taking apart the shuttle program if it chooses. But some in Congress want the shuttle to fly longer because retiring the fleet would force the U.S. to rely on Russia for trips to space for nearly five years. Obama has said he wants at least one more shuttle flight beyond those already planned. Oh, I don't know. The Russians seem like friendly sorts. I'm sure they wouldn't mind flying us around space while we build our next generation spaceship. And that's not all. A Congressional Budget Office report concluded that NASA cannot carry out its current plans on its existing budget. The report outlined options that include delaying the flight of the new spacecraft, spending more money to meet the current schedule or drastically cutting back on science. Yeah, that's a shame. We've already got a fleet of shuttles built by the lowest bidder and we're still out of money? What corners are left to cut, and does anyone really want to take that risk?

What Caught My Eye Today

Influenza - Perhaps you heard. There's a new bug in town. The swine flu epidemic entered a dangerous new phase as the death toll climbed in Mexico and the number of suspected cases there and in the United States nearly doubled. The World Health Organization raised its alert level but stopped short of declaring a global emergency. Yes, no need to overreact to an incurable new strain of the flu. Bear in mind that thousands of people have been murdered by drug cartels, but no travel advisories were prompted by that. The United States advised Americans against most travel to Mexico and ordered stepped up border checks in neighboring states. The European Union health commissioner advised Europeans to avoid nonessential travel both to Mexico and parts of the United States. See I have no problem with this. I never liked the French much anyway. (Oh relax, I'm joking.)

Montana - You know the old adage, "If you build it, they will come." Here's a fascinating little spin on that. A Montana town says its new jail could accommodate the 240 Gitmo detainees just fine. The development authority in the tiny town of Hardin built the $27 million, 460-bed prison two years ago but it has yet to welcome its first inmate. $27 million, and these rocket scientists decide to build a 460 bed prison. You all could think of anything else to spend that money on? So the city council voted 5-0 Tuesday in favor of transferring terror suspects from the military prison in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. President Obama has said he wants to close the controversial facility there within the year. The local development director says the town of 3400 people is willing to stand up and take the prisoners. "It's our patriotic duty." He said. That and I bet you guys are desperate to turn something positive out of this mess you created.

Russia - Russia officially ended its decade-long "counterterrorism operation" in Chechnya, saying the Muslim separatist region was ready for "normalization." Translation: the Russians finally gave up hope of winning a conflict that has been dragging on for so long, most officials cannot remember why they went to war in the first place. The war began in 1999 under President Boris Yeltsin and was run by Vladimir Putin, who was then prime minister, later president, and is now prime minister again. So what does "normalization" mean in this particular context? According to local journalists, the number of bombings, terrorist attacks and murders as in the past remains high. It is a fairy tale that Chechnya has become a stable region. I see. "Normalization" is the same "pretty much the same as when we got here."

China - China is planning to release a list of "approved names," and people whose names aren't on it will have to change theirs. Are you serious? Authorities said the restrictions are necessary because the government is switching from handwritten ID cards to computer readable cards with photos and microchips. The computers will only be programmed to read a certain number of characters. China has a limited number of surnames--for example, some 92 million people are named Wang. I don't want to wander too far off the reservation here, but why doesn't the government just add a few more characters. I hear computers can store quite a bit these days.

Humor - I got this one from the missus. The following is courtesy of humorist Dave Barry. A word of caution to the men--this may hit a bit close to home.Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous...A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earnhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

I'm torn between #10 and #13. Both are priceless.